Thursday, July 26, 2012

The Dark Knight Rises and Sexy Trash Falls... For Cat Woman

Ugh. Fine. Whatever. Anne Hathaway was great as Catwoman. Sleek, sexy, sassy, smart - everything the character is supposed to be. And you know it's true because I am quite possibly Ms. Hathaway's #1 Anti-Fan.

If she stopped working for the rest of her life starting tomorrow, I'd be okay with it. It's odd, I know - she's just fine in everything I've seen her in: The Princess Diaries, The Devil Wears Prada, Bride Wars, Ella Enchanted, Love and Other Drugs. (We won't talk about Brokeback Mountain because that blonde wig is a damn mess...) She's a talented woman, I know that. And I'd even suck up my pride and say that she's... pretty (...for a 12 year old boy. I'm sorry; I had to...), but yet, whenever a casting notice comes out saying she has a major role (Les Miserables), my blood boils. I just can't help but hate the woman.

I just want to slap her...
But my personal feelings aside, she won me over as Selina Kyle. When sitting down to view The Dark Knight Rises, I was planning a post of all of the actresses that would have made a better Catwoman than Anne Hathaway, but she was so good that I crumpled up my list and threw it at the screen whenever Bane came on (just because Anne was great as Catwoman does not mean Tom Hardy's stupid ass Bane voice did ANYTHING for me.)

Go somewhere with that voice...
So instead of that list, I decided to make a Top 5 Catwomen list. And yes, Anne did make the cut.

5. Halle Berry

Halle Berry is lucky she's sexy. While the Catwoman movie she stars in is far less than stellar, Halle finds a way to win over gays in this campy mess of a movie. It's true she won the Razzie for Worst Actress for this movie, but she looks great in the prostitute version of the Catsuit her delivery of the one-liners are no worse than those on the Batman cartoons on the CW.
4. Julie Newmar

Speaking of Catwomen the gays love, is it any wonder that there is a drag queen movie dedicated to this woman? As the first Catwoman actress, Julie Newmar is laugh-out-loud funny yet still manages to make the character sexy and irresistible. She certainly set the bar high for the many other actresses to follow her.
3. Eartha Kitt

That. Voice! Eartha Kitt somehow delivers all of her lines as if she is literally a cat who is mid-orgasm, and we couldn't dream of hearing anything better. 

2. Anne Hathaway

The most realistic Catwoman,  Anne turns Selina Kyle into the tainted, cat burglar version of Batman. Although she can deliver a sassy one-liner, she doesn't need to rely on them to make this Catwoman a memorable one.
1. Michelle Pfeiffer

Those other basic bitches can step aside because the only whip-yielding, one-liner delivering, leather-wearing Catwoman we need is Michelle Pfeiffer. She's everything a great Catwoman needs to be and more. Every time someone mentions this character, Michelle is the vision that automatically comes to mind.

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