Monday, July 30, 2012

True Blood: The episode with the crappiest title.

"Somebody That I Used to Know" ..... really?  All that I heard when I learned the title of last night's episode is Gotye's song ringing in my ears.  Apparently it was actually based around the song by Elliot Smith.  Terrible title aside, let's get into the episode shall we.

If you haven't been keeping up with True Blood, I'm sorry to say there's not enough time in a blog post to give you a "quick" summary.  Characters and their relationships have evolved so much (not to mention plots are twisted in, out and around each other) it's hard to keep track of, even if you're a religious watcher.  I suggest OnDemand for those of you HBO-subscribers.


*SPOILER ALERT: If you haven't watched last night's episode yet, do so before reading this.*

Sookie, through the convincing of her hot brother, decides to use her fairy powers to figure out who killed her parents.  She learns that vampire's name and that he's coming for her ... typical.


Eric & Bill are still at the Authority headquarters.  Russell has killed Roman (which I'm completely sad about because I love Chris Meloni) and the vamps have all drank Lilith's blood - which has made them high as kites & they went on a killing spree in New Orleans.

Eric has come to the realization that what they're doing is wrong and frankly I agree.  If there aren't any people left how are the vamps going to eat & create more vamps?  I'm loving Eric more and more this season, maybe something's left over from that little witch spell he was under.  We continue to watch Bill go off the deep end.  I never really liked Bill anyway...

BTW, I think Alexander Skarsgard should play Christian Grey in the movie installments of 50 Shades...

Meanwhile, Tara is adjusting to her fangs and working at Fantasia.  When Tara is not trying to fry herself in a tanning bed, she's one of my favorite characters.  Not to mention that I'm LOVING the Pam-Tara relationship.  In this episode, Pam glamours an old high school "friend" of Tara's to be a blood slave to Tara .. does that mean a recurring role for the pink Barbie?

This episode, Alcide does somethings and looks good while doing them.  I'm pissed at him though.  Why is he doin' it with the wolf-lady?  She's his new girlfriend?  I thought he loved Sookie?

I'm so confused by his love life anymore.  However, I'm not confused by how good he looks...

Sam and Sam Luna are out to catch the killer of their shapeshifter friends.  I loved the snake interrogation by Sam, great thinking.   While Sam gets on my nerves, I do like him in this episode.  However, I was a bit creeped out when I thought he was going to kiss himself -- I mean, Luna.  Which leads me to a big question.  Who did Luna kill to be able to shift into a person?

Over to Jessica.  She stepped up to the plate when Bill left and she always keeps things interesting.  She has turned into my favorite vamp this season. She's quite a vampslut, but I'm pretty sure one of my favorite scenes is when Jason shoots her in the head - I laughed out loud.  Literally.
Sorry, I had to...

Anyway, this ep she's caught by the killers of non-humans, they throw her in a room with Hoyt, tell him to kill her and lock the door.  Luckily, they scheme their way out of the room.  Hoyt leaves & walks into a truck with a familiar face and a gun.  Can't wait to see who that is...

So I'm guessing Lafayette is still a Brujo...?  I love that Jesus is helping him from the other side.  However, his medium skills continue to creep me out.  I'm hoping Patrick will take one for the team & kill himself to lose the curse - does he have a family (other than Felicity-insert awkward laugh)?  I mean, the curse is basically his fault.

Bill may really be going off the deep end ... or as he calls it "evolving."  Maybe it's just an act. He seems so over-dramatic about everything else and with this, he's kind of just shrugging his shoulders and saying "eh, whatev."  Eric needs to get out of the Authority's headquarters and save the world ... oh and kill Russel.  He's very annoying.


Here's what I want for the rest of the season (which has nothing to do with what's really happening):  Alcide to keep his shirt off in every scene.  Jason should find some kind of power, poor hottie is one of very few humans.  Sookie should stop trying so hard.  Tara and Jessica should become BFFs again.  Lafayette should continue being bad ass.  Eric should kill Russel & become the new ruler .... and Christian Grey.

I'll definitely be tuning in next week after seeing this preview, won't you?

Friday, July 27, 2012

Fashion Friday: Hats off to summer!

Or should I say ... hats ON this summer!

Lately I've been a hat lover.  I have a huge array of baseball caps, a fedora and even just got myself a floppy brim summer hat.  I love it!

You're not?  Here are a few great reasons to consider wearing a hat:

  • Protect yourself from the sun - which means you're fighting wrinkles, age spots and skin cancer!
  • Shielding the sun and heat from your face leads to less squinting and sweating.
  • Bad hair day?  What else are you going to use to hide it?
    • Girsl: wear a hat on a good hair day - you'll make a baseball hat look super cute!
  • Baseball caps are a great gym accessory to keep your hair out of your face when working out.
  • Is it winter?  They keep you warm - you lose the most heat from your head.
  • Hats go with basically everything.

It's an easy, effortless accessory that will make your outfit stand out.  


Don't believe me?  See how the celebs are wearing them (and where to snag your own)...

At the beach:
source
Stacy Keibler chose a fedora to don at the beach.  Want one?  Get one in the same color from ModCloth.com for under $18 or a darker version at WetSeal.com for less than $13.  What a steal.

Looks like Rachel Zoe has some influence on her hubby Rodger Berman.  He's got the men's version of the fedora down pat.  Get a natural colored one at Guess.com for under $40 or a gray one from JCPenny.com for only $15.

At the stadium:

Ashley Tisdale shows her spirit for the Dodgers in a simple hair style and a white T.  Looking for baseball hats with a little girly-flair?  My go-to is VictoriaSecret.com's Major League Baseball Collection. I have plenty of sequined New York Yankees hats and I'm in love with each of them.

Steven Tyler chose this fedora when he watched the Red Sox and Yankees battle it out last year.  However, if you're more of a "man's man" - you can find a huge array of men's baseball hats at MLB.com's store.

Hangin' out with the press:

J.Lo is sporting a wide brimmed hat while greeting the press when on tour.  You can find a wide brimmed hat (that doesn't quite push the floppy line) at OldNavy.com for under $13.

There's no denying Matthew McConaughey when in a cowboy hat.  Boys, you could look like him too!  Get the straw version for under $25 at Zappos.com or the McConaughey lookalike version at SierraTradingPost.com for about $21 (currently on sale).

Out and about:
Kim Kardashian is a fellow lover of the floppy hat.  I got mine at Target, but you can score one in a natural color for less than $15 at WetSeal.com or a San Diego Hat Company version (my favorite) for $30 (a steal) at Bloomingdales.com.

R.Patz is reppin' another men's favorite- the sweater hat, aka the over-sized beanie.  Guys, score this at UrbanOutfitters.com for under $20 - it comes in at least 4 colors. 

And something in between...
Never lose your iPad again!  I really am lacking in the explanation department and unfortunately, this is a tough one to find for purchase.

This one is obviously - for the ultimate bad hair day, just cover it up with a full mullet/ponytail. Unfortunately, the hat was listed at ThingsYouNeverKnew.com and has since sold out.  But don't worry I have a few other options for you: The Flair Hair Visor (equipped with Guy Fieri's signature spikes) or his & her cowboy hats ... with hair.  Both are well under $20.

Well there ya have it.  What is your favorite hat to wear?  Will you be wearing one out & about this summer?  I'd love to see - share with us :)
Xoxo,
Jes




Thursday, July 26, 2012

Yes, WE think you can dance....

So there's no doubt that So You Think You Can Dance is one of my favorite summer shows.  With the top 20 now dwindling, we are onto the top 16 this week.  There were some HIGHS, very high, and some VERY low and confusing.  Let's get the good performances first, which were wowzas!

We loved the opening number by Tyce Diorio. It was a very Charlie Chaplin inspired number that was in black and white with one red umberella.  I loved the effects and the dance was very cool as well. It was a very inventive opening to the show.



The first performance was Tiffany and George doing a NappyTabs hip hop number.  First of all, I LOVE NappyTabs, so I was already pumped.  The dance had a cute theme and fantastic music, Outta My Mind by B.O.B and Nicki Minaj. Tiffany and George were a great opening and really looked like they were having a blast with this dance.  It was an awesome start to the performances!


The next dance I absolutely loved was a steamy, hot jazz number with Amber and Brandon by Ray Leeper.  They danced to Dr. Feelgood by Aretha Franklin, baby making music if I EVER heard it.  The two danced it out to the point that you thought you were watching an intimate, private moment between the two.  They embodied their characters of the deep south and owned everything.  It was a sexy and fantastic number, I'm sure enjoyed by all.


And now for a contemporary that wowed me.  This was done by Mandy Moore, another favorite of mine.  Lindsay and Cole danced to Wild Horses by Charlotte Martin.  The dance was a representation of the struggle between love and hate in the world.  Cole played the hate was trying to pull the light, Lindsay, down with him.  The two really put all of the emotion that was needed into the dance and you could see them embody the characters of love and hate.  Their muscular expressions were fantastic and added that much more emotion to the dance.  


This next dance, ughhh, brought tears and standing ovations.  Stacey Tookey, a wonderful contemporary choreographer, took Whitney Houston's, yes....you know what's coming....I Will Always Love You and formed a story that was unforgettable.  As soon as the music started, I thought, oh HERE it comes.  The dance was emotional and beautiful.  It was the story of two people's love that was meant to be, but couldn't happen.  Witney and Chehon were fantastic in their roles and connected brilliantly.  The lifts and embraces were so real, it was amazing.  


The last dance of the night was another NappyTabs wonderful and inventive dance to a Toxic cover by District 78.  Cyrus, who has such a unique style played a robot and Eliana played the music box ballerina that he brought to life.  The two were so into the dance that you would think we were actually watching them come to life.  Again, love Nappy Tabs, and again they wowed us! What an absolutely incredible ending to the show.



So those were the good, now the bad.  The rest of the dances were disconnected, confusing, and just plain not good.  Janelle and Dereian, who I love, did a Cha-Cha to....ugh it pains me this wasn't too good...Call Me Maybe.  The cha-cha, as is any ballroom, was difficult and the two just didn't seem to really connect and get it.  We still love them and know they'll come back strong next week.

Then there was the salsa, another difficult ballroom dance, with Audrey and Matthew.  This dance was just a hot mess. The song choice wasn't good, the dance was slow, and the steps were messy.  The two dancers are great but this dance was not for them.  So we'll hope for a better choice next week.

So now...our Editor in Trash's favorite....NOT...dancer Amelia and her partner Will. The dance was a jazz number about how opposite's attract by Mandy Moore.  But Mandy, I was confused.  I just didn't get the dance and the music, You! by The Creatures. The two really didn't connect and the story just wasn't brought across very well.  I just found myself in the "HUH?" pose staring at the tv for most of this dance.

Our evictees this week will certainly be missed, as they were partners and hit quite a high this week. SO with that being said, we had to say goodbye to Amber and Brandon.  I'm sure this will not be the last we've seen of them.  In fact, Brandon has a dance part in the new Step Up movie.  So please boy, you got this already.

The Dark Knight Rises and Sexy Trash Falls... For Cat Woman

Ugh. Fine. Whatever. Anne Hathaway was great as Catwoman. Sleek, sexy, sassy, smart - everything the character is supposed to be. And you know it's true because I am quite possibly Ms. Hathaway's #1 Anti-Fan.


If she stopped working for the rest of her life starting tomorrow, I'd be okay with it. It's odd, I know - she's just fine in everything I've seen her in: The Princess Diaries, The Devil Wears Prada, Bride Wars, Ella Enchanted, Love and Other Drugs. (We won't talk about Brokeback Mountain because that blonde wig is a damn mess...) She's a talented woman, I know that. And I'd even suck up my pride and say that she's... pretty (...for a 12 year old boy. I'm sorry; I had to...), but yet, whenever a casting notice comes out saying she has a major role (Les Miserables), my blood boils. I just can't help but hate the woman.

I just want to slap her...
But my personal feelings aside, she won me over as Selina Kyle. When sitting down to view The Dark Knight Rises, I was planning a post of all of the actresses that would have made a better Catwoman than Anne Hathaway, but she was so good that I crumpled up my list and threw it at the screen whenever Bane came on (just because Anne was great as Catwoman does not mean Tom Hardy's stupid ass Bane voice did ANYTHING for me.)

Go somewhere with that voice...
So instead of that list, I decided to make a Top 5 Catwomen list. And yes, Anne did make the cut.

5. Halle Berry

Halle Berry is lucky she's sexy. While the Catwoman movie she stars in is far less than stellar, Halle finds a way to win over gays in this campy mess of a movie. It's true she won the Razzie for Worst Actress for this movie, but she looks great in the prostitute version of the Catsuit her delivery of the one-liners are no worse than those on the Batman cartoons on the CW.
4. Julie Newmar

Speaking of Catwomen the gays love, is it any wonder that there is a drag queen movie dedicated to this woman? As the first Catwoman actress, Julie Newmar is laugh-out-loud funny yet still manages to make the character sexy and irresistible. She certainly set the bar high for the many other actresses to follow her.
 
3. Eartha Kitt


That. Voice! Eartha Kitt somehow delivers all of her lines as if she is literally a cat who is mid-orgasm, and we couldn't dream of hearing anything better. 

2. Anne Hathaway



The most realistic Catwoman,  Anne turns Selina Kyle into the tainted, cat burglar version of Batman. Although she can deliver a sassy one-liner, she doesn't need to rely on them to make this Catwoman a memorable one.
 
1. Michelle Pfeiffer



Those other basic bitches can step aside because the only whip-yielding, one-liner delivering, leather-wearing Catwoman we need is Michelle Pfeiffer. She's everything a great Catwoman needs to be and more. Every time someone mentions this character, Michelle is the vision that automatically comes to mind.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Big Brother Recap: Week 1

Not even halfway through the first episode, Julie Chen tells us that one of the house guests will be going home before the night is over, so that puts everyone on their best behavior during the FIRST COMPETITION OF THE SEASON!

"BUT FIRST" the 4 coaches (Britney, Boogie, Dan, and Janelle) must pick their teams. Dan, Boogie, and Janelle have a feeling Willie is related to the evil Russell from Survivor, so they refuse to pick him for their team. Poor Brit Brit has no idea and picks him as her first choice.

Dan's first two choices are Danielle and Kara, giving him an estrogen-fueled team. As the gym class-style of picking teams winds down, Joe and Jodi (the two oldest players) are left. Jani picks Joe, leaving Dan with Jodi.

TEAM JANIE: Wil, Ashley, & Joe
TEAM DAN: Kara, Danielle, and Jodi

TEAM BOOGIE: Frank, Ian, and Jenn
TEAM BRIT BRIT: JoJo, Shane, and Willie
 After teams have been picked, they must compete in a race where players leap across three different moving beds to grab a teddy bear, make their way back across the beds and place their bear on top of their shelf. When all three team members have their bear, one of the players must leap back to the bear station to turn off their night light. The first team to do so wins the competition!

Julie throws a wrench into the fun saying that the captain of the winning team gets to pick Head of Household (HOH) while the captain of the losing team has to pick one of their players to GO HOME.

After a long and stressful bed bouncing competition, Brit Brit's team is the first to win. (Yayyyy!) She chooses Willie as HOH because she does know he has a target on his back by being related to Russell. Dan's team is the last team to make it across, so he is given the tough task of choosing to evict someone. Based on how well Danielle and Kara get along (and based on Jodi's terrible, terrible *yet very funny to watch* performance in the competition), he chooses to evict Jodi.

After Jodi is sent packing, the other house guests have time to mingle and get to know each other.
Ian is a total creep and when he's alone, he pretends to be a mouse and crawl under the furniture, spanks himself with his key, and just really bothers me.

Now... while a normal season of Big Brother would have the HOH choosing two players to be put up for eviction right about now, this year's Coaches twist brings another weekly competition into the mix... "The Coach's Competition" where the four coaches compete for the opportunity to protect one of their players from evicition that week.

I wouldn't mind riding Dan around a lubed up track... too far?
This week's coach's competition is Derby themed - sending the four coaches around a lubed up track in horse suits. Whoever keeps their tail on longest wins. It comes down to Queen Janie and Booger, and of course Booger wins because, well... why wouldn't he? This is Big Brother - the show that likes to give me heart attacks and permanent anxiety. Booger chooses Ian to be safe since he has such a huge target on his back from being Creep Master 2012.

Because his captain (Britney) has a coach's alliance with Janelle, Willie places Kara and Frank on the block (one teammate from Dan's team, one from Boogie's). 

HOWEVER - Willie and Frank had spoke earlier and Willie promised him safety, so trouble is already brewing in the BB house. And we love it.


Players are picked for the first Power of Veto (POV) competition, and after a soap-drenched struggle, Shane wins. He chooses to NOT use the veto to save Kara or Frank, so nominations remain the same.

Brit Brit is a tad on the paranoid side this season, so she assumes Janelle is playing her and doesn't really want to be in an alliance... which breaks their coach's alliance up. Also, rumors get out that halfway through the season, the coaches will enter the game as players, so now the new house guests don't trust their coaches anymore.

All of this leads to a HUGE Frank/Willie blow-out in the backyard.





Willie has quite the attitude, and while we hate him for it, it does make for quality entertainment. So we'll keep him around for a little, we suppose...

It's voting time and Kara gets evicted from the Big Brother house. Kara, you boring Playboy bunny - you were cute, but next time (if there is a next time), step that game up, girlfriend.


With Kara gone, Dan only has one player (Danielle) on his team, which could make her a HUGE target. Let's see how this week goes...

At the end of week one, the remaining house guests compete in a memory challenge. Earlier this week, the houseguests were shown videos of a "burglar" breaking in the BB house and messing with different household items. All questions in this True or False competition deal with videos they were shown, and when players get them wrong, they are out of the competition.

Frank wins HOH, and I could not be happier! If it doesn't do anything for game play, his HOH reign will surely do something for DRAMAAAAAAA! The close of the episode shows the house guests congratulating Frank on his win... except for Willie, who is storming inside like the buzz cut baby he is.

Pretty Little Liars - S3E7, Crazy

Crazy. With Mona overly involved this episode, I say it is quite cray-cray.

Wait, since this is my first episode recap/review, let's rewind.

Here's a brief Season 3 recap-in no particular order:
Mona's in the looney bin, the girls got drunk the first episode which is when Allie's body was dug up and they found Emily at her grave with no memory, Garrett is in jail, Melissa isn't preggo, Emily got a job, Melissa is the black swan, Bitch [Jenna] can see, Maya's cousin (Nate) has showed up & befriended Emily, Spencer's mom is representing Garrett, Hannah has been visiting Maya (where Wren works), Hannah and Caleb have broken up, Spencer and Toby are together, the creepy copy (Detective Wilden) is back, Garrett's mom dies, Ezra's come into a lot of money, Jason and Spencer found Allie's anklet ... and so on and so forth.


Fast forward to last nigh (if you haven't watched, stop reading - go to abcfamily.go.com and watch-spoilers alert). This episode opens with the fresh knowledge that Garrett has been released.

Before we go any further, is anyone else confused as to what time these kids go to school during this episode?  I'm pretty sure Aria & Hannah don't go to school at all during this "Crazy" ep.

I'm still not quite sure where to begin. 


When three of the Liars are getting coffee (before school? again, I'm super confused by their academic schedules) they run into CeCe - another one of Ali's friends that no one knew about.  She resembles Ali a lot, I think she is going to play a vital part in all of this ... could she be the girl in the red coat?

Hannah is a target for Detective Wilden and Mr. DiLaurentis.  Turns out they think Hannah's blood will match the other blood on the anklet.  Why Hannah?  Turns out 3 days before Allie's body was found, she told Mrs. DiLaurentis that she saw Allie - which would be true, if an Ouija board wasn't involved.  When Hannah and (sane) Mona were playing, Hannah "saw" Allie outside the window.  I am definitely scared of the Ouija board, don't these girls know better yet?


Aria's mom is online dating ... turns out she goes out with the Pastor that Hannah's mom was seeing in the last episode.  Oh the joys of living in a small town...

What is up with Spencer wanting to help Jason all of the time?  Okay, I get that he's her long lost brother and she's quite lacking in the "good sibling department," but covering for him after his drunk driving accident?  Is that really necessary?  Don't worry, his pretty face & messy Justin Bieber meets a bowl cut hairstyle were left unharmed.

Nate is taking Jenna out and asks for Emily's help to buy her a gift.  Don't worry, they don't actually have a lovey-dovey date.  CeCe helps sabotage it before it happens.  Are we sure she's not Ali?  

Last the most "Can't Reveal A Zealous Yell-er" (crazy) part of the episode involves Mona.  This girl knows way more than her looney exterior is sharing.  After Aria visits her and then Aria & Hannah break into see her again, things start to get extra creep-tastic.  
source
Turns out Hannah & Mona had a secret code - you take the first letter of each word in a sentence to make a word (see my above riddle).  Mona escapes her room & we follow Aria & Hannah into the depths of the psych ward to find her.

By the way, why does this building have NO lights on in the hallways?  I'm pretty sure all hospitals like this are well lit for this exact reason ... no losing patients.

We find Mona brushing a doll's hair in the old children's ward, rambling on and on - and let me tell you she is SEVERELY creepy.  Like "I never hope to see her on the street because I'll scream at her" creepy.


Low & behold we find out the ramblings are in fact a part of "Hannah-Mona" code.  Now I understand the title of this episode, because this ish is CRAY.  Here's what she said "Miss Aria, you’re a killer, not Ezra’s wife.” “Where were we? Maya’s away sleeping sweet, until Garrett’s all rosy count on me.” “No one to save Ali from evil.”  

Here's Liars decode: No one to save Ali from evil = NOT SAFE.  The rest?  It's a website, with Maya's picture ... and it's password protected. (btw if you try to go to www.massugar.com, it takes you to ABCFamily.go.com - smart move kids).  What do you think it is?  I think it's a blog or something that Maya herself set up - it users her initials.  What are your thoughts?

I'm left with one question ... Where was Ezra and his loads of cash this episode? 

I can't wait for next week.  From what I've seen Hannah is in some kind of board room, Aria & Ezra make out, Caleb hacks into "massugar.com," Wren makes an appearance AND Aria meets Ezra's MOM (who seems to disapprove)!  I can tell, things aren't getting any less crazy any time soon .... and I love it.

Monday, July 23, 2012

The Newsroom

Have you been watching Aaron Sorkin's latest creation? HBO's newest hour of drama focuses on Will McAvoy, Jeff Daniels, a news anchor, who in the pilot episode has a 'break down' at a college round table presentation and after years of being the good guy on television finally speaks his mind. This causes major drama for the fictional network ACN, for which his does the evening news. A new executive producer is brought on, Mackenzie MacHale, played by the lovely Emily Mortimer. Mackenzie also happens to be Will's ex-girlfriend and the love of his life.  The chemistry between Jeff Daniels and Emily Mortimer brings a fresh chemistry to TV that I haven't seen since Maggie and Dr. Joel on 'Northern Exposure.'

The supporting characters are absolutely wonderful. There is a love triangle between the other executive producer of the 10 o'clock news, Don Keefer, played by Thomas Sadoski, Jim Harper, played by John Gallagher Jr, and Maggie Jordan, played by Allison Pill. The 'love eyes' Jim and Maggie give each other every episode are enough for any romantic to come back every week for more. John Gallagher Jr and Allison Pill once played siblings in the popular indy film with Katie Homles 'Pieces of April.'

Dev Patel, Sam Waterson, Olivia Munn, Chris Messina and the legendary Jane Fonda all shine as supporting characters in this fast paced witty show. As Aaron Sorkin stated himself, this show is idealistic, romantic and inspiring. These three elements are the classics ingredients to a perfect TV formula. Every episode focuses on true events, such as the Gabriele Giffords shooting, the Tea Party rise, and the Egyptian riots.

I rewound the last ten minutes of the fourth episode four times. It was beautiful..a rare moment on television that excites you, has you hold back tears and makes you stand up off your couch all at the same time. Be sure to watch the first five episodes, then tune in Sundays after 'True Blood' at 10pm to see for yourself.

Is this the next big HBO hit... "It can be."

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Big Brother Recap: Meet the House Guests!

I finally traded in sneakers for flip flops last week when CBS aired this season's first episode of Big Brother. I understand summer solstice and all that junk, but let's be serious - it's not officially summer until Big Brother is on our TV screens, so let the vacation begin!


In typical Big Brother form, we're told from the start to expect the unexpected... that within the first hour of the new season, one house guest will be evicted and four of the "greatest players that ever set foot in the Big Brother house" would be returning. My mouth was watering already. Julie Chen has only been back in my life for mere seconds and already she knows the things to say to get me riled up.

But unlike last season when street trash fan favorites Rachel, Brendon, Daniele and Dick were invited back in the house to play, this time the returning house guests are back to COACH. Each coach gets a team of 3 players and if one of their players is the winner of the game, the coach gets $100,000. Not a shabby deal...

Mike "Boogie" Malin
Half of "one of the greatest alliances in Big Brother history," Booger is back. I hated him his original season, I hated him in All-Stars, and I still hate him. Nothing has changed. Except he somehow found a way to get uglier... He's still full of himself and thinks he is smarter than he is. The fact that these new houseguests listen to him and believe what he says speaks nothing about how smart he is, but how dumb they are.

  
Britney Haynes
It's Britney, bitch!!!! Brit Brit is back, and I couldn't be happier. Well, I'd be happier if I was in the Big Brother house as one of her team members, but I won't sit here pouting about it. Been there, done that. Brit Brit's diary room entries are still just as bitchy and just as animated, but this time she's a tad more paranoid... which is ruining her game play. Get your head in the game, baby gurl.
  
Dan Gheesling
Dan won his season and is a professional football coach... or something, so because this season combines the two things he loves most, CBS decided he'd be a great addition to the coaching staff. Did they forget he was boring? 
 
Janelle Pierzina
Queen Janie is back in the house, making me even more depressed that I wasn't picked this season... but again, I digress - one of the most kick-ass competitors and probably the house guest with the most Youtube tribute videos dedicated to her, Janie's knowledge of the Big Brother are sure to help out her team. Plus, we wouldn't mind if she gets wasted and tells off the rest of the house for old time's sake.
 
JoJo
J-Woww left the Jersey Shore and came to the Big Brother house, but on the way became less lovable. She's everything I hate about Staten Island girls and although she's on Team Brit Brit, I've been praying for her eviction from the moment I saw the "Meet the Cast" videos on CBS.com. There's only one cast member I hate more than her. Stay tuned...
  
Kara
A Playboy model and the prettiest house guest, but also the most boring...

Shane
We haven't seen a lot of Shane yet, so normally I wouldn't be sad to see him go if the wind blows that way, but he's just so GD beautiful that my heart would literally shatter. Between him and Dan, I can think of a lot of dirty "backdoor" innuendos I'd like to make.

Wil
This is the gay that took my spot in the house. He's prettier than half the girls in the house, but twice as annoying. CBS, if you're reading - F you. If I see one more mess of a gay man on this show instead of me, I'm boycotting.

Willie
The brother of Russell from Survivor, Russell 2.0 wanted to make sure nobody found out about his relative because he didn't want to be labeled "the villian" like his brother. Sorry, Willie - it's not the family tree that makes you a villian. It's the fact you're an asshole.

Ashley
A seemingly dumb spray tan technician. Yes, I love her.

Danielle
Why this bitch thought it was necessary to lie and say she's a kindergarten teacher when she's actually a nurse... I have no idea. But I can't help but root for her. She's not the smartest, she's not the best competitor, she's not even the best "character," but I just love this woman. 


Frank
Frank is ugly as sin and I hate his hair... but he's already showing he's not afraid to do what he got to do in the Big Brother house, and I love that about him. He's definitely someone I'd form an alliance with... It's a damn shame I'm not in that house.
  
Ian
This creep show is a long-time Big Brother fan and is more excited just to be in the house than he is at the chance of winning. Which, I can relate to - but he's such a creep that he scares the actual hell out of me, so no - I'm not rooting for him. At all.

Jenn
Ding! Ding! Ding! We found the houseguest I hate more than JoJo. I just can't. She's loud, she's ... just too damn much. Go somewhere. And fast. Because not one part of me wants you in the Big Brother house.

Jodi
Jodi is a step-mother of five and bland as hell. 

Joe
A graduate of the Hayden Moss School of Diary Room entries, Joe finds it necessary to yell in the camera every time he is being interviewed. He's also the secretive instigator in the house, and I hope that it blows up in his face sometime soon because he annoys me. I distinctly stay away from Top Chef to stay away from people like him, and now... 
YOU WERE IN MY HOUSE? YOU TOUCHED MY CHIL?! I'm gonn' have to call you back...

A Week 1 Recap will be posted later this weekend, but until then:

What house guests are you rooting for?? 
Who do you want to see go home?? 
What former house guests do you wish were coaches instead of those picked??