Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Keeping Up With The Kar-Gay-Shians

Well, damn. We certainly didn't see THIS coming...

Kris Humphries & Kim Kardashian have been throwing words around E! and to various magazines about the wedding - annulment, divorce, faked, prenup, blah blah blah...

But according to the latest issue of Star Magazine, Kim is throwing a new word into the mix: GAY. As in, "My ex-husband is..."

Kris <3s balls
The article claims that Kris wouldn't touch Kim on the honeymoon, and also states that he's a fashionista, loves going to salons in his spare time, and spends too much time with other men.

Foreplay at its finest.
This whole thing is just a mess. Gay, straight, bi, fake, real, married for love, married for money - we just don't care anymore. Get a divorce, get an annulment; it's fine. Whatever you want to do, you can do. Make a special on E! about it, get some extra dollars, and go about your way. But please... get off of our tabloid covers. We have more important stories to worry about - like Justin Bieber paternity tests.

Justin Bieber & Mariah Carey: All I Want For Christmas

It may be true that Mariah didn't need to re-do this song with anyone - not the Biebs, not Gaga, not even Kris Kringle himself. She owns it all alone. Okay, fine - maybe she should team up with the little girl from Love, Actually because that bitch has PIPES. But besides her, all hail the Queen of Christmas, Mariah Carey.

BUT with that said... we won't say no to any Christmas covers. (Unless they're on the new Michael Buble Christmas mess album.) It's not the best Christmas cover we've ever heard, nor is it necessary, but it's fun and puts us in the holiday spirit... plus, we wouldn't mind having Justin under our tree or shoved in our stockings this year. In this video, Justin looks 1. the most like a lesbian he's ever looked, but also 2. the sexiest he's ever looked. ......we're not sure exactly what that says about our "type," but it doesn't matter; it's Christmas, all bets are off.

Enjoy the Christmas festivities starring Mariah and Justin below:

We're Les MISERABLE With These Casting Choices

Well, Hollywood is about to ruin yet another musical.

We were excited about the news of "Les Miserables" coming to the big screen as a musical. Hugh Grant and Russell Crowe were cast as the 2 male leads, and although they aren't at the top of our "Favorite Stars" list, they're not at the bottom, either, so we were still excited.

Besides, for us, it's the females and their memorable songs that really steal the show for us. So imagine our disdain when Anne Hathaway, the bane of our existence, was cast in the film. We gagged for a moment as we thought about her singing "On My Own" until we learned she'd be playing Fantine. Okay, fine. At least she dies in the first half hour. We can get over it.

But now casting options are traveling the web, and well - it ain't lookin' good.

The four options to play the Eponine are... you may want to sit down for this:

Lea Michele
Evan Rachel Wood
Scarlett Johansson
Taylor Swift.

We just can't....

Lea Michele is the clear choice out of the four. We've heard her sing (these songs) and she played the role on Broadway. We feel the same about ERW that we feel for Anne Hathaway. Scarlett Johansson looks too old for the role. And Taylor Swift - this is a joke, right? We're just imaging her squinting through her death scene, and it's just too much...

We always get SO excited when movie musicals get made. And then our dreams come CRASHING down when we get casting news. Cross your fingers that the casting directors will get their shit together and realize what needs to be done...

Jersey Bore

Oh, good Christ.

This is enough to make us scream "Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

First we had Angelina's "song" and now THIS?

Vinny Guadagnino was our favorite season one. Then he became kind of a douche when he got famous, but we still loved him because he's still the hottest one.

But Vinny, if you're reading (which we're sure you are) - after your attempts at rapping... well, you've officially entered "The Situation Zone." AKA - We hate you.

We understand you want to create an empire, extend your 15 minutes. We're not hating. We love your random cameos on 90210. We support you and your cast mates as you go from reality stars to entrepenurs. In fact, we're proud owners of Snooki and JWoww's books, and we'll probably own Pauly's tanning lotion sometime in the near future.

But this rack city mess? Enough. Leave the rapping for Kanye and you just stick to reality tv. Or gay porn. Now that's a decision we'd support.

Kongratulations, Kourtney!

Well... although our last post about Kim's divorce sent us into a writer's block/protest, we came back to share the great Kardashian news:

Kourtney Kardashian and long-time boyfriend, Scott Disick, are expecting their second child!

The couple announced their news on the cover of this week's US Weekly. Although the couple seems to be at odds in the newest season of "Kourtney & Kim Take NYC," the news of their new child is bringing the two closer.

"Scott and I are so excited to announce that we are expecting our second child and are thrilled to be expanding the love in our family," Kourtney told E! News.

Anything that means these two (and Mason) will be getting more screen time on their E! show is fine with us. We were once Team Kim, but we've been finding that lately it's our Team Khloe & Kourtney shirts that we're washing more frequently, leaving our Kim tee shoved away in a corner.

I want Kourt & Khloe to "Take" somewhere again, leaving their sister behind. Girlfriend is going through a "rough divorce;" she needs a break.