Thursday, September 29, 2011


We've learned to ignore what critics say, but Rotten Tomatoes is beginning to get ridiculous. For starters, they gave Scream 4 a 58%. Um... suck it. But most recently, Abduction starring Taylor Lautner, was given a 4%. Yes, you read that correctly: FOUR. PERCENT. 

Now, let's be serious - this is clearly a rip-off of The Bourne Identity. And while Matt Damon is not at the top of our list, Taylor's acting ability is far from Damon's. So yes... it's true - Abduction is the 8th Grade Talent Show (with worse acting) version of The Bourne Identity. The acting was a mess, the dialogue was a mess, but FOUR.PERCENT? Again - suck it.

The movie follows Nathan Harper (Lautner), your average high school hot boy: he parties, he likes the girl across the street, him and his father beat the shit out of each other for fun (What? You never did that?). But after researching missing children for a school project, Nathan finds that he is a missing child. Learning that his whole life has been a lie, he is about to confront his parents when they are murdered. He flees the scene with his neighborhood crush, Karen (Lautner's real life girlfriend, Lily Collins). The rest of the movie follows the two through forests/random homes/trains/crowded stadiums as they run from the C.I.A. and a band of goons. Eventually, Nathan learns there comes a time to stop running and start fighting. And he does. Hard.

Which brings us to the great parts of the movie... The acting may be horrid, but Taylor can kick. ass. We would not want to be alone in an alley with him if he was angry. But we wouldn't mind being alone in a bedroom with him if he was angry. We can only dream of the hate sex...

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