Monday, August 29, 2011

VMAs: The Awards You DIDN'T See

So, by now, you've watched the VMAs live, or on your DVR (or for our friends overseas, looked at pictures of the winners) and you know the artists that took home the coveted moon men. So you already know the following artists went home with awards...

Best Male Video: Justin Bieber, “U Smile”
Best Female Video, Best Video with a Message: Lady Gaga, “Born This Way”
Best Pop Video: Britney Spears, “I Wanna Go”
Best Hip Hop Video: Nicki Minaj, “Super Bass”
Best Collaboration: Katy Perry and Kanye West, “ET”
Best Choreography: Beyonce, “Run The World (Girls)”
Best New Artist: Tyler the Creator, “Yonkers”
Video of the Year: Katy Perry, “Firework”

But we at Sexy Trash decided to give out some Moon Men ourselves... Sure, we may not have the budget (or celebrity contact info) to literally send gold statues to the homes of our favorite stars, so these virtual awards will have to do...

Most Likely To Succeed: The Unborn Baby of Beyonce & Jay-Z
 If there was ever someone we wanted to switch bodies with "Freaky Friday"-style, it's Babe-Bey/Z. We can not WAIT for this child to get into the business. It's like the Smiths, but better.
Who Invited This Bitch?: Jessie J & Jo Calderon

Jessie J is underrated. We wish she was more famous than she was, and it was nice seeing her perform at the VMAs. HOWEVER, to be used as commerical-fade segue music is just a MESS. And a tad insulting...

And Jo Calderone, Lady Gaga's male alter-ego - during the video for "You and I," it was clever. And it may have been clever in the "You and I" performance... but during the whole awards ceremony? Sorry, we invited Gaga, not Jo. So go back home and put on a dress. Or an egg. We don't really care WHAT you wear anymore as long as you come as Gaga.

Dressed In The Dark: Nicki Minaj, Jersey Shore's Deena

Nicki, we LOVE you, but there is such a thing as trying too hard, and this, my darling, is it. And Deena looks like some sort of melted Rainbow Brite Barbie. Her makeup's a mess, her dress is a mess, just... MESS.

Cutest Couple: Jay-Z and Beyonce
At first we were upset we couldn't find a picture of the couple together at the VMA's, but after rewatching the end of this video (4:25+), we realized this is the best way to show how much in love they are. Certainly enough to make us tear up watching Jay so happy...

Cutest PDA: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez
 We love young love. Selena looks genuinely happy with Biebs even though Biebs looks like he'd be happier with Portia DeRossi....

Cutest Should-Be Couple: Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez
 We know they tried it before and it didn't work out. But some of the world's greatest couples are on again/off again (Ross and Rachel, helllllloooo...) Please, Selena, FOR US - take him back! And if you don't want him... we'll take him.

 Best Pre-Show Drug Use: Katy Perry
 Was it just us or did Katy seem a little drugged up during her acceptance speech? We get it - she's always been a tad weird and she was excited to win. But she just seemed a

"Now, this is a time when you want to interrupt me, Kanye," Perry said as she accepted her award. "Oh my goodness, it's nothing like your first time. Your first Moonman, right?"
To this, Kanye corrected her, saying, "No, I have one."

If she wasn't on drugs, it was still a messy and awkward situation.

1 comment:

  1. Now that is exactly how the awards show should have gone...and I would have expected Kelly Ann to the best performance of the night. ;)