Saturday, April 30, 2011

The MotherF**ker With The Hat

We called it for "The Normal Heart" winning the Tony for best actress. Now we're calling it a win for "The Mother Fucker With The Hat" in the categories of Best Actor & Best Set Design. When Tony season rolls around, don't say we didn't warn you...

The official website describes the play as "a new high-octane, verbal cage match about love, fidelity and misplaced haberdashery." It follows Jackie (played by Bobby Cannavale) who is on parole and living clean and sober under the guidance of his sponsor, Ralph D (Chris Rock), while still living with and loving his volatile soul mate Veronica (Elizabeth Rodriguez) who is fiercely loving, but far from sober. Still, their love is pure. And true. Nothing can come between them – except a hat.

We've been to many Broadway shows before - both plays and musicals - and we've often been so moved by dramas that we've left speechless/in tears, or found the material so funny that we've held our sides in pain from laughing so hard at comedies. However, with this play... while following the plotline of a drama, it's very much a comedy. Sure, technically, it is a drama. But not so much one with "comedic relief" thrown in randomly to make sure you don't kill yourself afterwards due to heavy depression, but one that is genuinely laugh out loud funny throughout the entire production.

Rock, while the weakest in the production, isn't bad. He's just... Chris Rock. Cannavale, hands down, transformed into Jackie - physically, mentally, emotionally. He's far from his "Funky Spunk" days and hardly recognizable as Vince from "Will & Grace." We got the chills and felt what he felt throughout the whole play; we were rooting for him, we were praying for him. He made us love an ex-convict who was trying to beat an addiction while searching for the truth in his other addiction: Veronica. Rock, however, was like every role we've ever seen him in - just wearing a "I'm a Rehab Coach" suit. Don't get us wrong - he was funny and said jaw-droppingly crude things... but that's to be expected from him.

We're dying to see it again. We're sure it won't be as wonderful as the first time - 1. Because we know what to expect and 2. Because we won't be FRONT ROW. CENTER. like we were our first time.... ya know, with our new besties Alec Baldwin and Michael Stahl-David (Cloverfield) sitting directly BEHIND us. read that right. We had better seats than Alec Baldwin.

And we met Bobby Cannavale (who spit on us in a scene where he was only wearing a towel. In case you were wondering...)

Geordie Shore

We understand the hypocritical nature of our last post being about how much we loved the Royal Wedding and the first sentence of this post being the following, but we don't care. It's our blog, get over yourselves:

We normally don't like British entertainment/celebrities. Call us classless, but if there's a British accent in a movie/television show, it's not on our screen. That goes double if it's a play. We can't put our finger on it, but British accents in entertainment = Yawn Fest 2011. No, let's make that 2012 because we'd rather see the end of the world than watch a British film (except Love Actually... we don't know how that got through security, but it did...).

However, while we won't be watching "Geordie Shore," (the UK's version of "Jersey Shore"), we'd certainly sleep with half the cast. Literally. There's 8 of them - 4 men, 4 women. You could find any of the men in our bed. And gladly. In fact, it doesn't even need to be in a bad. We'd quickly take it in a red telephone booth.

The men of this show put the men of "Jersey Shore" to shame. HOWEVER, while the girls of "JShore" are not really the apples of our eyes, the girls of this version look like major woofers compared to them. We'll take Snooki over Sophie anyday. But Jay vs. Pauly D? Now THERE'S a contest we're not sure the outcome to...

The Royal Wedding

Everyone seems to have different opionions of William and Kate's wedding, and while we at Sexy Trash normally don't believe that people should have opinions other than ours, in this instance we're okay with it.

Why? Because in this intstance, we know for a fact that our opinion is the right one. Or at least the winning one (and not in a Charlie Sheen way). Some people were against all things "Royal Wedding;" some people were interested in it but didn't see the point in watching with the rest of the world at 5 am because they could be watching the same footage later; we, however, were counting down the days to see the color of Pippa's Maid of Honor dress, to see the rings, to see the Queen's dress, to see which celebs would (and wouldn't) be invited, to see a parade of fascinators (crazy hats), and most importantly, to see Kate's Dress. We were so excited for it, in fact, that while we could have woken up and watched on CBS from our living rooms, we decided to attend a TLC viewing party in Times Square. At 4 am. We mean business.

We didn't head over before making mimosas for the road and stopping at Dunkin Donuts for an official "Royal Wedding" doughnut, though. This is a wedding, after all. We have to keep things classy.

After arriving (and deciding from the sound checks that we hate Randy Fenoli, host of the Royal Wedding viewing party and "Say Yes to the Dress"), we mingled with new friends, snuggled in our new TLC snuggie, and watched on large screens as guests arrived.

Elton John, Victoria Beckham, Lady Gag...oh, wait. That's Fergie's daughter, Beatrice, in a hot ass mess of a hat. We understand standing out and grabbing attention (we do it often), but there's a line and this bitch crossed it.

The wedding itself? Wonderful.

Kate looked GORGEOUS, her sister Pippa looked BANGIN, and her brother looked GAY (which is really the most important...)

People are saying it was out of order for Pippa to wear white. We say "Fuck youuuuu" for a number of reasons:

1. Kate (or a wedding planner, whatev...) picked out Pippa's dress. It's not like this bitch rolled out of bed in the morning and said "Let me wear white and ruin this girl's big day." It was planned, it was known about in advance, Kate OK'ed it. Move on.

2. The image of Kate decked out in white with her long train being held by her sister (also decked out in white) is beautiful and is certainly the definition of a Kodak moment. We're thinking about framing it.

3. Pippa is one of those lovely ladies that would look great in anything she wears. Bloggers and reporters are saying that Pippa stole her sister's spotlight and possibly outshone Kate by looking so grand in her dress. No. This bitch could have been wearing a Pepto Bismol dress with poofy sleeves and Beatrice's hat and would still give Kate a run for her money.

....with that said, there was no run for the money to be given. Kate looked PHENOMENAL. It was modern meets classic, today's bride meets fairy tale princess. And we loved it.

Pippa Middleton, Prince Harry, James Middleton

Kate's brother, James, has a case of the gay face, and while we're saving ourselves for Prince Harry (we want to be the second commoner to marry into this family...), James Middleton could definitely get it. Possibly a threesome? Now that's being royally screwed...

Oh. William looked nice, too. He's balding, he didn't smile much. Whatevs.... everyone knows weddings are for the brides, anyway. (Especially if it's a bride that just married herself a man that's gonna make her a queen. Get. It. Gurlllll.)

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Autotune doesn't ALWAYS make everything OK...

This proves that we will love Heather Morris in ANYTHING.

As winner of FLIRT! Cosmetics' "Show Us How You FLIRT!" contest, Corrina Dolan got to star in a promotional music video titled "So Luv-a-licious" with the "Glee" star.

And while this bitch is wayyyyyy better than Rebecca Black, we're still going to go ahead and file her under the "Kill Yourself" tab. It's a shame that her parts of the song suck so bad because we kind of like Heather's parts... Maybe FLIRT! will get the hint and re-release it with just HMo. We can only hope...

GLEES-DAY! it doesn't work as good as "Jerzday," but you get the drift. The 90-minute "Born This Way" episode finally airs TONIGHT! And while we don't have the production for that song, we do have a leaked clip of Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know" by the Warblers.

We love it. We're glad that although Kurt is out, the Warblers are still finding ways to prance onto our screen (namely Darren Criss).

Blaine looks like he would be a great boyfriend - he's certainly the dream boat we've always dreamt about: he can sing to us, he kind of looks like us, he's not afraid to serenade you in front of the entire school. It's just a shame that he's with...Kurt. We hate mismatched couples in real life and we don't really like them on TV, either. We understand it's a small town in Ohio, so the gay population doesn't have a lot to choose from... but Kurt is an attention whore, has a pig face and has no teeth. You're telling us there's NO ONE in that town cuter than him?

Don't worry, Gleeks - Santana's brother is on his way. (Our dream role. Ryan Murphy, we're waiting for our call...)

Monday, April 25, 2011

The Normal Heart

We got back from seeing "The Normal Heart" on Broadway (which ended at 10:15 pm) and now, at 11:58 - we're still SPEECHLESS.

The official website of The Normal Heart describes it as "the story of a city in denial, THE NORMAL HEART unfolds like a real-life political thriller—as a tight-knit group of friends refuses to let doctors, politicians and the press bury the truth of an unspoken epidemic behind a wall of silence. A quarter-century after it was written, this outrageous, unflinching, and totally unforgettable look at the sexual politics of New York during the AIDS crisis remains one of the theatre’s most powerful evenings ever."

This may be one of the shortest reviews we've ever done, but that's because we are currently unable to speak/think. All we can do is throw up... No performance has ever left us feeling so broken, and we've seen some pretty messed up stuff. The story, the set, the props, the acting - it was all so real, so raw, so chilling, so gut-wrenching... God bless the actors in this production because we can say for a FACT that we would NEVER be able to perform this more than once. It would literally drive us to depression...

Ellen Barkin (Oceans 13, Drop Dead Gorgeous) should just be handed the Tony Award now. There's no need for voting, no need for waiting - this woman deserves it and there's no question in our mind she'll be getting it this year.

Also standing out in this production is Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory) as Tommy Boatwright, the "Southern Bitch." He's definitely the comedic relief of the production, he's definitely the role we'd want to play; but when it's time to get serious, he does. And well. We still won't be watching him on TV, but seeing him live proved to us why he's an award winner.

We've loved Lee Pace since "Pushing Daisies," but while he may have started off as just another closeted pretty face in this play, it is his Act 2 monologue that had us shaking and in tears. Unstoppable tears. Acting students everywhere are googling this monologue for auditions. It made us cry, it made us sick... we won't be able to sleep after hearing it.

This play really does show how far we've come, but it makes us sick to realize how far we still have to go.

"The Normal Heart" opens Wednesday, April 27 and only runs 96 performances. We BEG you to see this production if you can - you won't be sorry.


Well, today WAS our day off. Relax, update the site - perhaps be productive, perhaps not. We weren't sure. We just knew we WOULDN'T be going to the Times Square area. We put up with crowded streets and pushing our way through tourists 5 work days a week, why put ourselves through that pain on our day off?

Then a life-changing text arrived in our inbox.

"GLEE is filming in Times Square. Where are you? lol"

This person obviously thought this was all part of some sort of "wish you were here" joke, but what she didn't know is we were already in the quickest shower of our lives, globbing paste in our hair as we ran on the door, still sliding on our flip flops.

Forty five minutes and a train delay later, we were in Times Square. Watching our favorite singing high schoolers film a scene on the famous red steps in Times Square (You know them - Alicia Keys & Jay-Z sing on them in "Empire State of Mind")

The first cast member we spotted was Heather Morris (Brittany) - of course. She's our favorite/future best friend, so naturally our eyes would dart to her first. Then we saw the rest of the cast. Including Ashley Fink (Lauren Zizes). And Chris Colfer (Kurt). That's right - everyone's favorite gay (not ours...sorry) is back in New Directions.

But hold up...


Where was our girl, Naya Rivera (Santana)? Nowhere to be found on set; that's where. If this means Santana doesn't make it to Nationals, we're going to kill bitches.

So, sadly... we don't have pictures of our favorite Glee club bitch. But we do have some great ones of other cast members, including Lea Michele and Cory Monteith.

Mean Mugging.


We don't care what anyone says. We'll love Sharkboy Taylor Lautner until we die.
Yes, it may have a TINY bit to do with the fact people (including strangers) think we resemble him...
But it also has to do with the fact that he plays the rival to Robert Pattinson's Edward in the "Twilight" series - and any enemy of Edward's is a friend of ours.

We heard about this movie a while ago. A boy finds out the couple raising him aren't his birth parents (it's called adoption; who cares?) and runs away. Or something. It's "Face on the Milk Carton" meets "The Bourne Identity" - ehh. We're not really a fan of either, and we don't think other teenage girls are, either. So casting one of Hollywood's best teen bodies was probably the smart choice. He looks a TAD too clothed in this film for our liking, but maybe it will show off his acting chops?

Yeah... we don't think so.

Based on the trailer, will you be seeing "Abduction?"

T-T-T-This is the remix...

If the point of the "Til The World Ends" remix was to make sure gays everywhere EXPLODE.... these ladies just may get their result.


If Gaga would have popped in for a verse, our life would be literally complete. And we'd be dead.

In what already sounded like a song Ke$ha should be singing, she now does.
And with the Femme Fatale tour now hosting Nicki Minaj, this will be a perfect time for a duet onstage.

We can't be funny right now. Or clever. Or anything - and we apologize.

We're too busy shaking.

We'll review later. Maybe.

One request, though -

MUSIC VIDEO, PLEASE!??????????????????????????????????????

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Monte Carlo

It's no secret we love Leighton Meester. Or Selena Gomez. Or Katie Cassidy. Let's be honest - they're three of our favorite ladies in Hollywood. Whether they're on Disney Channel, the CW, or a slacking feature film, we support them in all they do.

Imagine our surprise/excitement when we found out they were starring in a film together. We didn't know what it was about, but we knew it was filmed in location in Europe and we knew it starred our 3 favs. Then we saw the trailer. In what seems like a rip-off of the Lizzie McGuire movie, we fully support them and can't wait to watch.

Also worth noting: While Corey Monteith is not our favorite "Glee" stud, he IS a "Glee" stud, so we'll enjoy watching him, as well.

We see London, we see France... fuck underpants - we're excited to see LeighMee, Selena, and KateCass.

Scream 4

NOTE: This review is relatively spoiler-free. What makes the "Scream" franchise so fun/great is the mystery aspect/the unknown, and while we DO like to ruin lives and tell the ends of movies to our closest friends (Country Strong, anyone??), we would NEVER ruin ANYTHING about a "Scream" film. With that said....

No horror movie opening scene will ever be as good as the original "Scream." Not a sequel, not a remake, nothing. There was something so pure and twisted and horrifying about those 13 minutes that can never be recreated - call it the unknown, call it the unexpected, call it originality, call it Drew Barrymore. What the exact reason is for that flawless, iconic scene is - we're not sure. But we do know the mix of horror, anticipation and anxiety can never come close to being recreated... and it seems like the "Scream" creators find this out the hard way because as each "Scream" movie comes, the opening kills get progressively worse and worse...

Scream: We've discussed this. Drew Barrymore. Iconic. Horrifying. Chilling. Heart breaking. Still gives us nightmares.

Scream 2: Jada Pinkett and Omar Epps. Still scary, but the build-up is not as horrifying as the original because we know what we're getting ourselves into. However, Jada's front-of-the-auditorium scream is made of win.

Scream 3: Cotton Weary and a pre-"Gossip Girl" Kelly Ruthorford. It's nice to have a "lead" character die in the opening scene, but...ehh. The weakest opening kill in the series until...

Scream 4: Without giving anything away, this opening scene is more comedic than frightening, leaving us wonder if we're watching "Scream 4" or "Scary Movie." And then a switch is made and we're suddenly supposed to be scared... but we're not. Why? Drew Barrymore, Jada Pinkett, Cotton Weary - it's all people we've seen before and why they may not be at the top of our "Favorite Celeb" lists, it's still someone we don't want to let go of so soon. But "Scream 4" - a couple of stranger bitches (that could use some acting lessons...) we could care less about getting axed? Ehhh. Let it happen.

Besides the less-than-desired opening scene, there's a handful of actresses in this movie that just seem off. Whether it's the character we don't like (Deputy Hicks played by Marley Shelton, Rebecca played by Allison Brie) or the actresses (Aimee Teegarden, Brittany Robertson), there's just something rubbing us the wrong way.

Also, while the body-count got progressively larger with each "Scream" film, we never felt that character development was ever lost and we still found ourselves feeling bad for certain characters as they met their untimely deaths... even if we only got to know them from a minute or two of screen time. With this film, it's almost become a normal slasher flick, killing off whoever they can... and because of that, there's many characters we just watched getting gutted, without feeling any emotion at all. And that makes us emotional. 

However, although everything thus far has been negative, please don't think we left the theater disappointed. We loved it, we'll own it on DVD, we're seeing it again. With mostly an all-new cast, we were worried that there wouldn't be anyone we cared about besides Sidney, Dewey and Gale. And while that's mostly true, a few characters did find a way to sneak their way into our hearts... namely film buffs, Kirby (played WONDERFULLY by Hayden Panetierre) and Robbie (Erik Knudsen), and Sidney's cousin, Jill (Emma Roberts). Also worth mentioning is Jill's ex-boyfriend, Trevor (Nico Tortorella), but for different reasons. Let's just say it's not his acting we're fan girl'ing over...

UNF UNF UNF UNF UNF. Papi, you could get it. Hard.
 A lot of people are saying this movie isn't as scary as the first three. But let's face it - 11 years have passed. We have "Hostel," we have "Saw," and to a lesser degree - we have "Texas Chainsaw Massacre." When it comes to horror movies, nothing shocks us anymore. So get over yourselves. There were parts where we literally gasped louder than anyone has ever gasped at a movie theater, making us feel a tad embarrassed... but at least it shows we're still horrified.

Will there be a 5cream? Maybe. Does there need to be? No. But there didn't need to be a 2,3 or 4, either. As long as people are paying, movies will be made. And as long as movies are being made, we'll be there. "What's your favorite scary movie?" "Scream," obviously. But "Scream 4" definitely makes the cut, as well.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Happy Birthday, Buffy!

Well, it's that time of year, again. Our girl, Sarah Michelle Gellar, turns 34 today!!!

And while someone with too much time on their hands and no life would do something like make a cake for the occasion...
...we only thought about it. And instead decided to make a blog post honoring the "Buffy" babe.

It's true - the star first came into our lives/dreams when we saw her as the wise-talking, ass-kicking high schooler, Buffy Summers, in 1996 (We were 10, and while our tastes may not have been fully evolved, we still knew beauty and talent when we saw it.)

Since then, we made a point to see everything (and we mean EVERYTHING) she starred/made a cameo in. And while some (Cruel Intentions, Scream 2, I Know What You Did Last Summer) are better than others (Simply Irresistable, Southland Tales), we still make a point to support her.

We're glad she's coming back to TV in the fall with "Ringer" - how long that will last, we're not sure - but we'll still check it out while it's around... and if worst comes to worst, we'll gladly go to Best Buy to purchase the complete series on DVD when it's cancelled prematurely.

For the most part, Sarah knows her target audience and aims to please them. Buffy, Katherine Mertuil, Daphne Blake - whether it's an ass-kicking high school smart ass, a spoiled manipulative bitch, or a sweet mystery-solving red head, she finds a way to make every character she plays a strong woman that you find yourself rooting for.

Who else could make a coked out rich bitch whose life goal is to ruin the lives around her so loveable? The answer: Nobody. We still tear up every time the single tear rolls down her face at the end of "Cruel Intentions." It's possibly the only movie we never want to see remade because only she could do that role justice. You hear that, Miley? Stay the fuck away.

Our love for Gellar only becomes stronger when we think about how long her relationship with husband (and 90's heart throb) Freddie Prinze, Jr. has lasted. Although it's only been 9 years since their wedding, that seems like forever in Hollywood-time, and they're still going strong.

So again... happy birthday, Sarah!!! We hope your birthday is all you wish for - because you're all we wish for <3

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Hey Nicki, Hey Nicki - Asthma.

Last week, all of our dreams came true. Well, most of them. And we weren't even trying... they just sort of fell into our lap. We were on our way to dinner when we passed Sarah Jessica Parker shooting "New Year's Eve" (which brings us one step closer in our six degrees of seperation from ZEfron). When we arrived at dinner, we were two tables away from Kourtney Kardashian. Later that night, our friend texted us informing us she had a free ticket for us to a NICKI MINAJ CONCERT.

Would you like to read that again? Don't bother - we'll recap. FREE TICKETS TO A NICKI MINAJ CONCERT.

The concert was in honor of Nicki becoming a spokesperson for the new camera, Tryx, available at Best Buy. It was standing room only and began at 9 pm, so naturally, we arrived at 4 pm. And it worked for the best... seeing as we were in the FOURTH ROW. (We were also the only white people, which we LOVED.)

In case you were wondering what Nicki looks like from 4 rows away, here's your answer:

She performed all of our favorites: Bottoms Up (our ABSOLUTE favorite).

Super Bass (which we STILL can't get the rap down for...)

Roman's Revenge.

Monster (which.was.SICK!)

We were heartbroken when we couldn't get tickets to the Wayne & Nicki tour, but now that we've seen our girl from four rows away... we're kind of okay with it.

And we're saving up (and hoping that this blog starts making money) so we can go to the Britney/Nicki concert in June.

"Where Were We??" Wednesday: To Wong Foo

Apparently we've been living under THE BIGGEST homophobic rock that didn't allow anything even resembling gay or fabulous to come near us. In recent weeks, we've learned of a few movies that should have been at the top of our "Must See" list since their debut in, say, 1995... but for the past 16 years, we've been too busy seeing "High School Musical 3" 9 times in theaters to see other classics.

So to make sure we aren't "bad gays" (which we've been called for not seeing some of these films), we're going to try and watch one of these Must-See movies a week and review them. Yes, we're sure that you DON'T need a review for these movies seeing that they've been around for almost as long as you have. But let's be honest - even if you have read a review for these movies, you haven't read a Sexy Trash review. And that's really what's important.

So let's get down to business - this week's movie was going to be "Honey." Our friend informed us that "Honey 2" would be coming out (most likely direct-to-DVD, let's be serious...) and he wanted us to be the first he told. However, the excitement was lost on us because we never saw the original "Honey." Obviously, insults were thrown and jaws were dropped and we were invited over for a "Honey" movie night immediately. While there, all of the other movies we've never seen were discussed and when "To Wong Foo" was brought to his attention, the world about ended. Clearly, "Honey" was out the window. And as much as we wanted to see Jessica Alba as a hip hop dancer (is that what it's about??), we are thrilled at what followed in its place.

"To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything! Julie Newmar" follows three drag queens as they travel across the country from NYC to California. Their car breaks down in a small mid-western town and they bring their style, passion and fabulousness to its residents.

There's a lot we have to say - Patrick Swayze, John Leguiziamo and Wesley Snipes are probably the last three people you'd think of to play drag queens, but we want to tongue kiss whoever thought to cast them. They are all fantastic in their own way, but it's LEG (who's always just been ehhhh in our books) who REALLY stole the show as Chi Chi Rodriguez, who is basically the drag queen version of Ugly Betty's sister, Hilda. And it's also the role that was CREATED for us if this ever becomes a Broadway show. Yes, we've been practicing our gum chewing, finger waving and Spanish accent in the mirror.

Also brilliant in this movie is Stockard Channing, who is the opposite of comedic relief - we're not sure what that's called, but that's what she is. In a movie filled with laughs, Channing brings us to reality as a battered wife. She's wonderful in all that she's in, obviously, but this movie bumped Rizzo to the side for us. Sorry, French...

We want everyone we've ever met to watch this movie and we want to beat the shit out of 9-year-old us for never seeing this. With a PG-13 rating, why the hell weren't we watching this? Too busy watching "Fivel Goes West?" Get over yourself.