Friday, February 25, 2011

"Blow" doesn't blow, but it confuses us...

We're not 100% sure what we just watched. We know that during the "Hold It Against Me" video we said we love finding symbolism in music videos, but we're not sure there's symbolism to be found in this one... we're just confused.

One can safely assume that this video is the product of someone with much brain damage. We're imaging the meeting where some mentally challenged toddler (with a love for "Dawson's Creek") and a drug problem brought in the storyboard with unicorns that explode into rainbows when they are shot... by James Van Der Beek.

And why is everyone trying to make "Ke-dollar sign-ha" happen? It was funny on Glee, but enough is enough.

There's too much going on in our brains right now. We know some people will love this video, some people will hate it - for us, it's in the middle. Sure, we enjoyed it. But we won't be watching it again anytime soon.

There's something that we're sure we can all agree on, though - James Van Der Beek has only gotten better with age. He wasn't exactly the looker during his Dawson years, but he is definitely shaping up.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Hold It Against Me

Visually, we love finding symbolism anywhere we look. Movies, TV shows, photo shoots, music videos - we love it. We're not really fans of it in books (which is why some of us stopped being English majors...and we still refuse to believe "the Chamber of Secrets" in Harry Potter is symbolic of a woman's vag, no matter what some professors may say). So the fact that Britney's new video to "Hold It Against Me" is full of symbolism and commentary on her life without throwing it in our face makes us extremely happy.

The video follows Britney, rising on a pedestal and looking flawless in a white gown past clips of many of her old videos. Video cameras and flashing cameras are aimed at her as she rises in the spotlight. As she rises high, the video cuts to Britney fighting. Herself. Britney vs. Britney. We cut back to Pedestal Britney as she splatters paint on her white gown and the old video clips, ruining everything that seemed so pure at the beginning of the video. As Britney vs. Britney continues, Pedestal Britney falls and curls into a fetal position. The Rise and Fall of Britney, Britney is her own enemy... we could (and can't wait to) find even more symbolism in this video.

And if you think all of this is bullshit, you at least get to watch Brit Brit fight herself and splatter paint Willow-style on a white gown while gays in booty shorts dance around her and come out of her skirt like The Nutcracker. Everyone wins.

Happy "Hold It Against Me" Premiere Day!

We like many holidays. Birthdays, Christmas, Halloween, Thanksgiving, St. Patrick's Day - they obviously all make the list, but the holiday that we've possibly been waiting the longest for has finally come. Happy "Hold It Against Me" premiere day!!

That's right. It has come. We've been waiting since October 2009 to have Britney on our TV/computer screens, and now we get our wish with "Hold It Against Me." If the seven second teasers that we've been watching for the last two weeks are any indicator, we're in for a treat. Do we think "I'm A Slave" Brit Brit is back? Probably not. She never will be. But look in the mirror. Are you the same person you were 10 years ago? No. We all go through changes, and that's fine. But we can pray that she's on the right track.

In honor of this national holiday (that we SHOULD have off work for, hint hint...), we decided to list our top 10 favorite Britney Spears music videos. Enjoy!

And don't forget to watch Britney's new video at 9:55 EST tonight on MTV!

10. Piece of Me
No, there's no intricate dance moves, but in a nice "F You" to paparazzi and media, Britney owns our hearts in this video.

9. Me Against the Music
We love anything where Madonna chases Britney.

8. Circus
One of her best videos out of her newer material, "Circus" reminds us of the old Brit Brit.

7. Oops, I Did It Again 
You know you made it big when Jack and Grace perform your dance routine on Will & Grace.

6. Sometimes 
It's simple. It's cheesy. It's perfection.

5. Crazy
Melissa Joan Hart, Britney yelling "STOP," and a 50's diner/night club? What could be better?

4. Hit Me, Baby, One More Time
An icon in music videos, Britney's first video is one that people will never forget.

3. I'm A Slave For You
Clearly Brit Brit's sexiest video. It makes us like girls for 2.5 seconds. Almost.

2. Lucky
We just love a good storyline. And in this song that was clearly begging for help, we can't help but want to
reach out to the broken star.

1. Toxic
When she dances through the lasers, it gets us everytime. And yes, we've tried to recreate it numerous times.

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

J'adore Paris

We already feel the criticisms coming our way (mostly from these blogs), but let's be honest - do we ever let either of them tell us how to feel about something? No. There's a rare occasion where we share the same opinions as said sites, and we nod along as we read. But 9 times out of 10, we don't agree. And we're okay with that... we're just ready for backlash.

Today's backlash will be over news that we at Sexy Trash are quite excited for, but won't be surprised to find that no one else is. Paris Hilton announced recently that she is recording a new album. And it will be released in the next few months. All we have to say about this is... FINALLY.

You may recall her 2006 album titled "Paris" - you probably don't own it (we do), but there are actually quite a few fun songs on there. "Stars are Blind" was the most popular/the only "hit," but the album also is home to "Screwed" and "Nothing in this World," which are some of our favorite songs (ever, not just on the CD.) Yes, we're aware that this album is more auto-tuned than your favorite Glee songs, but they are great songs to wake up/get ready for a night out to.

Hilton said she wants to keep the producers, her collaborators and the label "a surprise," which makes us nervous, but we'll buy it anyway.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Miley, We Still Think You're Like, Pretty Cool

Well, well, well... Mr. Cyrus, we've never really been your fan, but you supplied the sperm to make Miley happen, so we made room in our achey breaky heart for you. But we're over you.

Billy Ray Cyrus was recently talking mad shit on our girl, Miley, to GQ Magazine - saying that Miley's handlers didn't allow him to "parent her through difficult situations...including the Vanity Fair cover scandal and her controversial pole dancing performance at the 2009 Teen Choice Awards." First of all, Billy, there was nothing to parent - we loved the cover and wouldn't ask for anything less from Miley's Teen Choice Awards performance. We've been to her concert, and we love her leather booty shorts. So shut up.
He also said that he hasn't talked to her since the bong video surfaced. saying, "I'm scared for her. She's got a lot of people around her that's putting her in a great deal of danger.... there is no doubt my family is under attack by Satan."

First of all, you sound like a crazy person, so stop it. Second, if you're complaining about not being able to parent her through difficult situations, what's your excuses now? Handle it.

What really gets us going, though, is when he compared Miley to Anna Nicole Smith - "You could see that train wreck coming." Now you're attacking both of our girls? Billy Ray, you are officially dead to us.

He also commented on Hannah Montana, saying, "the damn show destroyed my family. I'd take it back in a second. For my family to be here and just be everybody okay, safe and sound and happy and normal."

That's easy to say now that the show is over. Why weren't you bad mouthing it when you were making money acting in it? You can't have the best of both worlds, Billy... So go somewhere while we and Miles have our party in the U.S.A, and don't try to stop us because we can't be tamed.


Monday, February 7, 2011

Gossip and Sex and the City

We're not sure how we feel about this... we don't hate it as much as Mean Girls 2, but we don't love it as much as Sex and the City or Gossip Girl.

Studio execs are in talks to bring The Carrie Diaries - the Sex and the City prequel following Carrie's move to NYC - to the big screen with Blake Lively to play the role that Sarah Jessica Parker originated.

“There are no plans to bring SJP and the other girls back together in the old format,” says an insider. “The prequel is about breathing new life into the story and exploring Carrie’s first few months in NYC and the beginning of her relationship with an older man.”

We'll see it, obviously.... we're just not sure we'll be happy about it. The good news? Early years Carrie means NO MR. BIG!!!!


Saturday, February 5, 2011

14 Television Couples We Love

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, we decided to celebrate love from now until it arrives. Each day, we'll cover 14 things that we love in a specific category. TV couples, movie couples, reality show couples, celebrity couples, love songs, romantic movies... We'll cover it all. Today's category: 14 TV Couples that we love and couldn't imagine our lives without.

Modern Family
These two balance each other out PERFECTLY, and are often the funniest and most heart-warming parts of this show.

Dawson's Creek
Any Joey/Dawson fans can see themselves out... We may have supported a Dawson/Joey pairing for 2.5 seconds, but once we saw a possibility for Pacey and Joey, we followed them until the end.

Harper's Island

We understand that we are the only people in the world that watched this show. Week after week, we watched victim after victim die in this murder mystery/horror movie-type show. We were entertained and horrified, but it wasn't until Cal and Chloe's deaths that we were heartbroken. We have never cried so much at a television show..

True Blood
We haven't seen Season 3 yet, so if anything happens to these two, we don't want to know. But watching these two explore their relationship is one of our favorite parts of this show.

Grey's Anatomy
We can feel the backlash already - Mer/Der is this show's golden couple, the Ross and Rachel of Grey's Anatomy, if you will, so why didn't they make the list? Well, Meredith annoys us, and frankly - Derek can do better. And he did do better. With Addison. Yes, we know that after the Callie/O'Malley wedding, things took a turn for the worse (because of that slut, Izzie...), but until then, we loved them together.

Gossip Girl
It's not a healthy relationship by any means, but no one else gets these two as much as each other.
Sex and the City
More backlash. Bring it on. But even more than our annoyance for Meredith, we have a HATRED for Big. We never liked him and never will. We don't care that he flew to Paris to rescue Carrie, we don't care that he built her a closet, we don't care that he allowed her to cheat on him with Aidan and then he bought her a ring. We'll never like them together. Ever. So instead of focusing on who Carrie would better with, we'll focus on a couple we loved from start to end (of the series... the movies ruined them, and in the case of Samantha/Smith, we pretend the films don't exist.) It's more than the fact that he was there for her through her cancer, but the final scene with the sex and the flower... we.can't.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Some people prefer Buffy with Spike. Some people prefer Angel with Cordelia. And while we certainly warmed up to both of those couples, there's something about first love that we can't deny.

How I Met Your Mother
There's just something about Lily and Marshall that we love. We don't even care who the mother is, anymore. We don't even like Ted that much. We just want Lily and Marshall to have babies and be in love forever.

Will and Grace
We've been rooting for Will and Vince since Vince's first episode, and while they may have broken up for a bit, we knew he'd be back. And we were right. Even 20 years in the future, Vince was still around. And we've never been happier. Now if only we could find a hot Italian cop for ourselves... or at least Bobby Cannavale.

Ugly Betty
Remember when we said we never cried so hard at a television death than Harper's Island? We lied. Ugly Betty introduced Santos as a hard surfaced guy who wasn't comfortable with his son's flamboyant nature, and then made us warm up to him as he and Hilda fell in love and while he opened his heart to Justin. Then, in the same episode that he proposes to Hilda, he gets shot. And dies. Even watching this clip now makes us sob. It was this episode that officially hooked us to Ugly Betty, but we never stopped missing Santos.

Because of this couple, whenever couples seem destined to be together on television but object after object get in their way, they are known as that show's "Ross and Rachel." Yes, at times, it did get old. But only because we liked seeing them together so much that pulling them apart just made us angry. ...and we still think it was out of character for Ross and the whole "break" situation.
Veronica Mars
No, we weren't always Logan fans. In fact, there may have been a time when we were pushing for Duncan and Veronica. But ever since Logan and Veronica's lips first touched, we were rolling around on our bedroom floors screaming. After all, there's a reason the first two letters of their names spell LoVe. And no matter what season 3 may have brought about, we like to imagine if it wasn't cancelled in the middle of a cliffhanger, that we would be satisfied knowing that Logan and Veronica are together.

Boy Meets World
We said it with Buffy and Angel... there's something about your first love. We said it with Will and Vince... we knew they'd be together forever from the first time we saw them together. We said it with Logan and Veronica... our hearts stopped during their first kiss. Bringing a little of each of our favorite couples into one is Cory and Topanga. We watched them grow up together, we watched them fall in love, we watched them get married.


It finally arrived!! Move-in day for The Roommate! And while it was a fun experience that we loved, we're not sure we would call it a "good" one. Rotten Tomatoes, who gives the movie 9%, certainly wouldn't call it a good one, either.

It's true that anyone who's ever seen The Roommate trailer probably already knows exactly how the movie will go down by following the "Crazy White Girl Movie" guidelines we've come to know from Swimfan, Obsessed, and more specifically, Single White Female. We wan't to keep this review more spoiler-free than the trailer (which, yes, does give away everything...), so we're not going to flesh out the cliched similarities between "The Roommate" and those movies previously mentioned, but - they're there.

The story follows Sara Matthews (Minka Kelly) as she moves into college her freshman year. She is paired up to live with a cute girl, Rebecca (Leighton Meester), and the two quickly begin hanging out. They share their clothes, they find they have things in common - they're on the fast track to being best friends. But when Rebecca starts getting jealous, Sara finds that everyone that could possibly stand in the way of this friendship start disappearing. It's not until it's too late that Sara starts putting these pieces together...

Because the scenes were nothing new, perhaps an R-rating would have made this movie a step better than it is. We're not asking for gratutitous violence, but when you show someone's belly button ring about to be pulled out and then cut away in the trailer, why show the same exact footage in the movie? We have a ticket. We paid $13 for it. Don't cut away - we want to see that skin RIP. The same can be said for Rebecca's other victims. We've seen PG-13 movies before, and we get it - larger audiences, blah, blah, blah. But with a typical script that any gay tween with a typewriter and a love of crazy bitches could have written, at least show some bitches bleed.

We're not going to lie, though. We've made no attempt at keeping it a secret, and we'll yell it from the rooftop of the dorm buildings if we have to: the main reason we went to see this movie was Leighton Meester. And although we may have known the entire script from the moment we saw the trailer, Leighton truly does not disappoint. She WORKS the crazy like nobody's business. On more than one occasion, we were left shivering with chills because we were afraid of her and because we were so proud of her. We've seen her play bitchy Blair Waldorf in Gossip Girl, we've seen her play naive and hopeful Chiles Stanton in Country Strong, and now we see her play psyochotic Rebecca. Although her movie choices aren't ones that are putting Academy Awards on her shelves, they are ones that are showing her wide range as an actress. Rural dramas, city teen soap operas, or thrillers - LeighMee can conquer any role that is given to her. We hope that casting directors will see this silver lining through the bad scripts she chooses and cast her in something that the world can appreciate.

It's obvious that The Roommate directors saw her as the same screen-owning goddess that we know her as. While some movies are ensemble pieces, splitting screen time evenly between all actors, this one was clearly The Minka & Leighton Show with special appearances by all of the CW. Yes, it was nice to see Nina Dobrev and Katerina Graham (The Vampire Diaries), Matt Lanter (90210), Aly Michalka (Hellcats) and Danneel Harris (One Tree Hill) on a big screen, but we're not sure their ten minutes of screen time (COLLECTIVELY) was something that semi-well known (for the target audience, at least) actors were needed for. Any pretty brunette girl could have been pulled from the street to deliver Nina Dobrev's two lines - did it really have to be someone "famous?" We're starting to ponder if all of these CW actors have the same agent and if their scenes were filmed during their lunch breaks on the CW lot.
Either way, though - we're not complaining. You can focus on the bad, but why? Like any roommate, they're going to have some flaws. Just brush them under the rug and enjoy the good times you spend with them. If you really hate them, you can move out after the semester's over. But stop bitching and enjoy it for what it is.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Roommate: Almost Move-In Day!

We've been waiting for The Roommate since it was announced in mid-2009 that Leighton Meester would be starring in what seemed like a modern retelling of Single White Female. True, at the time, we had never seen Single White Female, but we did see Swimfan. And Obsessed. And Fatal Attraction. We just love movies about crazy bitches. We can't help it... and yes, we're hoping for an all-male version once we become famous from reality tv so that we can star in it as the crazy one. But that's a different story...

We wanted to be up-to-date with all things The Roommate. We were first to stalk the internet looking for screen caps, we were the first to search for the movie's poster, we've marked our calendars for every release date this movie had (it's had quite a few, but we refuse to believe that's a bad sign...), and we'll be seeing it opening weekend. When new teaser trailers and clips hit the web last week, we watched every one. We just can't wait. And yes, we called the hotline... (1-866-666-6001) and installed the facebook app...

So when we found out LeighMee filmed a promotional video with, of course we checked it out. Is it funny? Eh... not really. It makes us smile, though, for two reasons... 1. It gives us something to watch while we wait impatiently to see the movie on Friday. 2. We'd watch this goddess in anything...

"S&M" video

Rihanna has her haters, and while we've sat back and listened, we never really got it. "She's overplayed." Right. She has good songs, so they play them on the radio. That's usually how it happens. "Her music changed after the Chris Brown thing..." Wouldn't yours?

Stop hating and start loving. It's obvious that Rihanna is at the top of her game. If there was any question, her new video, S&M, proves it. It has more whips, ball gags, and chains than our Friday nights... and while certain artists doing this would make us uncomfortable, for Rihanna, it just works. It manages to be fun, dark, sexy, and dangerous all at one time. And yes, we also enjoy the use of being tortured for pleasure in the media. Rihanna, you're so deep.

But what we don't like is seeing Perez Hilton's ugly mug. Again - we get it. The face of negative media is Perez Hilton, so the way to show your attack against the media is to show your attack against Perez. But couldn't you hire a look-a-like? Why give more money to someone who continually makes fun of you? Because you like it... Rihanna, you're a sick bitch. A sick, sick bitch. That we love.