Thursday, September 30, 2010

13 Movies You Need To Watch This October

While ABC Family does their "13 Days of Halloween," and SyFy has their "31 Days of Halloween," we at Sexy Trash simply have our "13 Movies You Need To Watch This October." And what happens if you DON'T watch? Well, that's your choice. But we may or may not send that little bitch from "The Ring" to your television, instead...

13. Mean Girls
If ABC Family can shove Harry Potter down our throats every December just because there's one Christmas scene, we can do the same with "Mean Girls." This movie, although not a Halloween movie, per say, has one of the best Halloween scenes we've ever seen. The costumes are to die for, and it's really where the whole movie begins. Little Cady was just an innocent home-schooled jungle freak before seeing what a skank whore Regina really is on Halloween. And while this movie is a great comedy, it's also oddly truthful - how many people (we're not gender specifying, because certain male writers here have been known to sport booty shorts on Halloween) do you know that use Halloween as an excuse to dress as slutty as possible because they know they'll get away with it? Plus, we're pretty sure girls and gays everywhere will never stop saying, "I'm a mouse. Duh."

12. Scooby Doo
We love cartoon-to-live action remakes. If they're done correctly. While we may never want to see anything called "Marmaduke," this pup and his gang of detectives never let us down. And SMG is pretty much great in anything. Except that stupid one where her dad was a crab and she made magic food... we could do without that.

11. Casper
Halloween movie go-to girl, Christina Ricci, is great in another cartoon-to-live action remake. Add Devon Sawa as human form-Casper, and we have every pre-pubescent child (again - not being gender specific...) in the 90's first Halloween-themed wet dream.

10. The Addams Family
She's backkkk. Halloween go-to girl makes up only a small part of this star cast. The only thing we love more than cartoon-to-live action remakes are TV-to-movie remakes.

9. Beetlejuice
This is such a great movie, we'll say it three times. Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice!
Because of this movie, we'll never look at shrimp cocktail the same way again....

8. Cursed
In our last (and most recent) appearance by Christina Ricci, she stars alongside Jesse Eisenberg (The Social Network), in a campy tale about werewolves long before that shirtless Native American lad came around...

7. I Know What You Did Last Summer
While this may not be one of the best horror movies around, it never fails to put us in a Halloween mood. You may rewatch this and laugh at how bad most of the acting is, but in the 90's, this scared the shit out of us, so take it for what it is.

6. The Sixth Sense
Yes, everyone knows the twist by now, whether or not they have seen it. And if you DON'T know the twist, where have you been - are you dead? In this movie, a child sees dead people and Bruce Willis helps him get his shit together... all before the big twist ending (that since then, M. Night has been lacking on... maybe Bruce Willis needs to help HIM get his shit together, instead.)

5. The Ring
I refuse to post a scary picture of that evil bitch...


Everyone knows this story by now. A bitch comes out of your screen in 7 days after you watch an un-labled VHS tape. Thank Christ no one uses VHS tapes anymore, because quite frankly... it's nerve racking to play what may or may not be your death in a week when you're just trying to watch some fuzzy porn you taped during your free week of Skinemax...

4. The Rocky Horror Picture Show
Musicals + Halloween? Is this supposed to make us DIE? Because it does. Every time we watch it. Anything with Susan Surandon singing as she loses her virginity is cinematic gold... And if you're living under the biggest rock in the world, Glee's Halloween episode this year is "Rocky Horror" themed. We just died even more.

3. Jennifer's Body
"Mean Girls" meets "Scream." It's the perfect mix of horror, sex, and bitchiness.... and really - what else is Halloween?

2. Scream
The best (and only?) horror movie spoof that's actually a horror movie... You can read our previous post to see why else we love Scream.

1. Hocus Pocus
Is this a surprise? Nothing says Halloween like Bette, Sarah, and Kathy as the Sanderson Sisters sucking the lives out of children before sunrise. Our calendars are already marked for October 2011 so we can watch it again.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

It's Brittany, Bitch...

While the season 2 premiere of Glee may have been a bit too Kids Bop-py for my taste (we'll get to that in another post...), the second episode promises to do nothing but impress (song-wise, anyway... plot-wise, dentist-inspired dream sequences are a tad weak... just saying.)

But no matter how you feel about the show or the talent of the show's stars, there's no denying that Heather Morris (Brittany) is H-O-T.


Fine. The FIRST time she was on my screen I thought it was a joke. Quinn was singing "Say A Little Prayer for You" with two backup cheerleaders. One was Latina and beautiful. And one was... some tall, pale girl with no make up on. I was disgusted and horrifed.


But somewhere between that episode and now, Brittany has grew on me. I think she's beautiful, she has a ROCKIN body, and can out-dance anyone in that cast. And if you DO watch and enjoy the show - you know that she has the best lines by far. So hopefully now that we'll finally hear her sing, we'll have more Brittany on our screens...

What upsets me about this upcoming episode is the song list. Most of it is fantastic and I'd expect nothing less:

-An all male version of "Stronger"
-A jazzed up version of "Toxic"
-Renditions of "Slave 4 U," "Hit Me Baby," and "Me Against the Music" that stay truthful to the originals.

But what bothers me is that also listed for this episode is "The Only Exception" by Paramore. I like Paramore as much as the next guy, but it doesn't make sense. Having Paramore in a Britney episode is like having KISS in a Gaga epis...oh wait.


So, break out your red leather cat suit or slutty school girl outfit. This episode airs Tuesday at 8:00 pm on FOX.

 

Saturday, September 18, 2010

Whipping Willow

Move over, B(eyonce)... there's a new queen that's gonna be busting out of the DJ booth. The gays are gonna take those shots and drop it, drop it low gurlllll on the dance floor while listening to her sweet sounds. I'm not talking about Gaga. I'm not talking about Nicki Minaj. No, there's room for all three of you fierce bitches... the future music goddess that I speak of is none other than...

Willow Smith.


Work.It.Girl. That is all I can say. How a 9-year-old's song is top-played on my iPod, I have no idea. I just know I keep this bitch on repeat from morning til night. I roll out of bed whippin my hair back and forth and go to bed whippin my hair back and forth.



Girlfriend can lay down the track. I really have no idea if her target audience is drunk clubbers or 7-year-old girls, but in this world - isn't it all the same?

Anything that comes from the seed of Will Smith is good in my book (except his other child... sorry, pal. Karate Kids just ain't my thangggg), and although some may think she needs to take another lesson from mom while dressing herself, I think the girl has style and soon enough all 9-year-old bitches are gonna be taking a page out of the Willow Smith Club Style guide. And if 9-year-old bitches aren't copying that swag, you know the mid-20's gays certainly will.


She's everything Rihanna wants to be in life, but while Rihanna looks like a Gaga copycat... (an amazingggg one, but still a copycat...) Willow just oozes creativy and flare.

WHIP YA HAIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.


So... you be the judge.
Dance floor anthem or Radio Disney?

"The Roommate" - When Can I Move In?

While the reality of a CW concert may never happen, the new teen thriller "The Roommate" might be the closest we ever come to that dream. Sure, it's not a pop concert... but it IS a place where all of our favorite CW stars come together... most likely to die.



Matt Lanter (Liam - "90210"), Daneel Harris (Rachel - "One Tree Hill"), Aly Michalka (Marti - "Hellcats"), and Leighton Meester (Blair Waldorf - "Gossip Girl") star in this movie about a cray-cray roommate. While it looks like Ms. Blair might be hard to live with (to say the least...), I'd gladly take her over MY Freshman year roommate. Just sayin...

Leighton Meester is the best thing about "Gossip Girl," and she will no doubt be the best thing about this movie also. Seeing her play the HBIC every week will not compare to see her playing HPIC (P=Psycho). Ripping out a bitch's belly button ring in the shower? Epic. We've got an Oscar winner here, kids...

I'm surprised that I'm even able to type right now. I've been waiting for this movie for what seems like forever, and the release date has been pushed back about three times. Now that the trailer has been released with an actual release date, maybe it's a definite. Hopefully. Because with a February release, it's PERFECT for a Valentine's date movie.

And you KNOW I'll see this shit more than once.
With a different gentleman caller every time.
XOXO, Psychotic Roommate Girl

Friday, September 17, 2010

Big Brother 12 Finale...Finally

While the first half of this summer flew by, it seems that about a week ago, time appeared to stand still. Never have I ever seen the hands on my watch move so slow. Some may say it's because summer has officially ended and school has started once again, making time move slower than Kathy in honey. I, on the other hand, think it has nothing to do with school and ALL to do with Big Brother. Around the same time that school begun, my princess of Big Brother 12, Britney Haynes, was evicted from the Big Brother house. And since then, I felt like I was trapped in a time warp... with nothing to live for.


Nothing to live for... until Wednesday night when the Big Brother 2-hour finale aired. I knew that since Brit Brit had made it into the jury house, we would be lucky enough to have her on our screens for quite a big chunk of the 2 hour block (most of it airing during the last hour.) It was obvious that the first hour would be used to show the remaining 3 house guests duel it out as the final HOH (Head of Household, for those who need to jump on the Big Brother bandwagon...), so since I didn't care WHICH house guest it would be, I watched "Hellcats" for the first hour instead, tuning in to Big Brother just in time for jury questions and the reunion portion of the show.

And thank God for that. I'm not sure what I missed during the first hour, but Julie Chen's actions and comments during the last hour were OUT OF THIS WORLD. She had to be drunk, and I wouldn't have it any other way. From now on, I want Julie chugging "Tequilaaaaaaaaaaa" shots before every.single.episode. She was in rare form, and I never want to see her in any form ever again. Her sass was out, and she wasn't afraid to show it off to the world.

Also, seeing Brit Brit on my screen again brought a joy into my life that has been gone for the past week. I know some of America, and some crazy-ass individuals reading this VERY post, did not like Britney. And I do not know why. Because these are the same individuals that cheer me on every time I audition for Big Brother. If they think I will act any differently than this gorgeous creature while I'm in the Big Brother house, they are crazy. We're basically twins when it comes to game play. Nice to the face, talk behind the back. It's what I do. It's called manners.


She turned a lot of people off. But obviously not enough people... because at the end of the Big Brother finale, Julie awarded America's Favorite House Guest with $25K. And the award went to.... Brit Brit. As soon as "Br-" came out of Julie's mouth, tears were running down my face and I was audibly sobbing. Was this in large part to the full bottle of wine I consumed during the hour I was watching the finale? The world may never know... I just know that this woman winning America's Choice brought me to tears.


Clearly not EVERYONE was as happy as I was about Brit Brit winning...
Sorry, bitch...

While some may have been upset by her win, my friends at EW.com were not, and even made a short tribute video to the queen of Big Brother 12... a short tribute video that I've watched 100 times already...


We may never see Britney again (especially if there's not an Big Brother: All Stars 2), but like any great summer romance, we're certainly glad we shared this experience with her. Next summer, we'll have 12 new house guests that we'll grow to love (and hate), and America will pick a new house guest to reward $25K to...

Preferably one that looks like this...


So, BB fans - until next summer - bundle up, stay warm, remember Britney, watch other seasons on YouTube and pray every night that I am a house guest on season 13...


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Hellcats - One "Hell" of a Show


Since I live a busy life and since I don't have cable, I didn't watch "Hellcats" last week when it premiered, although I wanted to. Instead, I waited until this morning. And now I don't know how I went a week without having this show in my life. (Although I'm glad I waited because now instead of waiting a week for a new episode, I only have to wait until tonight.)

"Hellcats" starts with Marti Perkins (Aly Michalka from "Aly and AJ") as she discovers that due to budget cuts and her mom being an H-Core slacker, she lost her scholarship to Lancer College. Unless she wants to be booted from school, she needs to find a new scholarship, so Marti heads to the financial aid office. She looks through possible bullshit scholarships (people who want to get into potato farming, etc. etc) when Savannah Monroe (Ashley Tisdale) enters to turn in her scholarship papers for being on the school's cheerleading squad, The Hellcats. Broke as a joke Marti gets pissed that cheerleaders get scholarships, so the two have a war of words, all while the sassy black secretary watches. Then Marti sees a flyer saying the Hellcats are having try-outs, so even though she just put her foot so far in her mouth with the team's captain, the crazy ass bitch still decides to give it a shot. After renting "Bring It On" to practice some routines, she goes to try outs and nails it. Savannah lets her on the team, they become roommates, and they are on their way to being total BFFs.

But not everyone likes this Eliza Dushku wannabe on the team, and the bitchy injured cheerleader, Alice (Heather Hemmens) promises to make Marti's time on the squad short-lived and painful. She goes out of her way numerous times to be a total bitch to Marti. Usually I like bitches, but I'm not so sure how I feel about her... And if this Alice girl wasn't enough drama, the school is doing MORE cut backs (F THIS RECESSION!), and informs the squad that if they don't place at Nationals this year, the team will be cut.

Well... that's upsetting.

The pilot showed a lot of spirit, and although it may need to step its game up to make it to Nationals, it's on the right track. It's not my favorite show on The CW, but it's fun, it's witty, it has cheerleading routines, and it has Ashley Tisdale. Plus, it looks like it's going to have a bi-racial couple, so I'm down to see that. Get ittttt, Marti. And if you DO have sex with your beautiful black teammate, be agressive. Be-e agressive.

"Hellcats" airs on the CW Tusdays at 9:00 pm.

Let Me In



I'm sorry... a VAMPIRE MOVIE from the DIRECTOR OF CLOVERFIELD? Who, may I ask, has been eavesdropping on my wet dreams?!

The preview made me jump twice, so I am more than excited for the actual movie. Usually around this time every year, I begin getting in my Halloween mood. I start dieting hardcore (so I can fit into my booty shorts, obviously...), but more importantly - I'm ready for scary movies. Last year brought me the best thing that ever happened to me (Jennifer's Body) and the worst (Sorority Row... ok, fine. It wasn't the WORST. I kind of want it on DVD. But it WAS bad.) This year, a few good ones seem to be coming my way and "Let Me In" is at the top of my list.

It's true I haven't seen the original (I don't have any interest) or read the book (I want to! ...But know I'm going to shit myself), but I still shake with excitement and/or fear when I think about seeing this movie. I love vampires of any variety - True Blood, Buffy, The Lost Boys, Twilight (Although I HATE Edward, I love his family). I also enjoy movies about kids... usually they make me cry (Martian Child, Jersey Girl), but I can't wait to see this little bitch kill people... I just hope she doesn't get killed in the end. Because that would make me cry, and I don't go to horror movies to make me cry. Okay, fine. I cried at  "Saw," but that was not because I was sad. It was because I was scared out of my mind, and I lost ability to speak or show emotion, so all of my emotions had to come out of my eyes.

...I still hate that sick ass movie.

For Colored Girls



I am over Tyler Perry. Besides "Precious," I have no intention of ever seeing anything this man has his name attached to. And you can gasp and clutch your pearls all you'd like, but I'm not really a big Janet Jackson fan, either... So when I read about the production/casting choices for this movie, I was definitely not first in line to buy my ticket. Sure, I like my Dreamgirl/Frog Princess, Anika Noni Rose, as much as the next person, and although I haven't seen her in much, Thandie Newtown really delivered in "Crash," and I'm willing to bet she'll do it again in this film. Plus, Whoopi Goldberg is great on any screen, but it just didn't seem to be a movie I would be interested in.

Call it "The Curse of the Non-Informative Trailer," but after viewing this trailer, I'm obsessed. I watched the preview on repeat a handful of times and still can't tell a lot about the plot, but when there are clips of black women screaming, crying, having sex, and pushing Whoopi down the steps, Count. Me. In.

After googling the original play, I found many articles saying the original production has no conventional "plot" or characters, but is more of a "choreopoem" - a bunch of poems forming a single statement. I'm not sure how this will translate to screen, but I'm willing to find out.

If Madea rears her ugly head anywhere in this movie, though, I'm demanding my money back...

Monday, September 13, 2010

Sexy Trash "Likes" The Social Network



Go ahead, put it on your mini-feed.... Let the world know: I'm changing my relationship status.
Because I am IN LOVE with the trailer for "The Social Network."
When I first heard there was going to be a "Facebook movie," I could have vomited. And not good "I drank too much" vomit, but like "I have a stomach virus and didn't even do anything fun to achieve this..." vomit. But then I watched the trailer. And things changed.

Jesse Eisenberg sounds annoyingly similar to Michael Cera, who, although I LOVED "Scott Pilgrim vs. The World," I generally can't stand. But it's not enough to drive me away from this film. Justin Timberlake and Disney Channel starlet Brenda song co-star/cameo (I have no idea how juicy their roles are...), but it's not even their presence that is drawing me in; it just looks genuinely great.

The chorus music used throughout the preview only adds intensity, and I am curious to see how dramatic the movie really is. It's not a new trick for movies to bring out the best bits for their previews, leaving audiences sitting in theaters saying "Well, this is not new information... I would have been better off watching the trailer and reading spoilers." But every so often, there are movies that DO NOT show all of the good parts in the previews and actually have some twists and/or laughs that you haven't already witnessed 5634665365 times...

The only thing that could make this trailer better is if one of my Facebook photos randomly appeared in the beginning segment. Me dressed as Bindi Irwin, perhaps... Because, believe me - that Facebook photo exists.

As We Go On, We Remember...

Summer is over and school has officially begun. How do I know this? Well, for one, the NYC subways have become more crowded during morning commutes, and I find myself pushing through backpacks and uniformed students just to find standing room. Although I don't enjoy this crowded mess, I'm not opposed to the start of Autumn.

For starters, I work in retail, so Summer, Fall, Spring... it's all the same. No summer vacations, no weekend getaways... every week is a work week and you can find your days off nestled in the middle of the week. So its not like I'm coming from this fantastic summer vacation and headed back to work. Nope, just going from summer work to fall work. It's all the same.

And number two... TV is better in the Fall, so it gives you something to look forward to. Even when I was a school-bound young chap, I still didn't dread going to school because I knew I'd have my F*R*I*E*N*D*S greeting me every Thursday night. Although I may have graduated and my F*R*I*E*N*D*S may have moved on with their lives, I still have no life when it comes to entertainment and live through fictional characters...

In fact, television and movies have gotten me out of some of my darkest times. Okay, fine - I haven't had many dark times... any, actually... I just want an excuse to post about my favorite movies and TV shows. And since school has just started again, they'll be High School-related movies and TV shows.
And since these are MY lists, they will be MY favorites... Just because "My So Called Life" and "The Breakfast Club" may have originated/perfected/blah blah blah the genre doesn't mean I like them. So, without further distractions, school is in session....

Top 10 High School Movies

10.Not Another Teen Movie
In the olden days, spoof movies used to be my favorite. I even wrote my own teen drama spoof called "Not The OC" when I was younger... obviously you've never heard of it because it was a hot ass mess, but watching spoofs has always been my favorite. But then something happened called "Date Movie/Epic Movie/Disaster Movie/__Fill in the Blank__ Movie." They sucked. And I'm officially over them. But before they began sucking, "Not Another Teen Movie" came along. I was a young buck (under 17) and my mom had to take me to the theater to see it. I loved every minute. Does it add anything new to the high school genre? Of course not. But it does take all of our favorite moments from high school movies and turns them on their heads. Plus there's a musical number...


9.She's All That
While "Heathers" and all of those 80's high school movies may have been the REAL starting point for high school comedies, the big burst of great 90's high school movies began with "She's All That." Freddie Prinze Jr. starred in what appeared to be only the beginning of his long, successful career. Fine, that career may have only lasted for a handful of years, but now he has a job rewarding than any acting postion... Father to Sarah Michelle Gellar's baby. I've been sending in my resume for that job since I was in middle school, and he got the spot. Lucky bastard.

8.Can't Hardly Wait
This movie is everything that is right with high school parties. And Dharma in angel wings makes anything better.
7.High School Musical 3
While one (or 2: Big Sexy and Listsandgrades.com) may roll their eyes at the fact that this was placed on ANY Top 10 List, I'm not apologizing. It's heart warming. It's cute. It's funny. It's the closing chapter of characters we've fell in love with and watched grow. While there may be no post-prom sex or a Ryan outing, we DO get more Zac/Vanessa kissage than ever more. And good ones, too.... And if you pull the "I can't believe I'm watching a Disney movie with Zac Efron..." stick out of your ass for a second and just watch it for what it is, you may find yourself with the chills... or even more, tearing up... at a few scenes. The comedic role of Mrs. Darbus in the first two movies has a particularly touching scene with Zac that gets me every time...
6.Clueless

I love when great teen movies are loosely based on classics, and "Clueless" does just that with "Emma."
If you think this movie doesn't belong on this list, whatever - you're a virgin who can't drive.
RIP Brittany Murphy.

5. 10 Things I Hate About You
I love when great teen movies are loosely based on classics, and "10 Things I Hate About You" does just that with "The Taming of the Shrew."
If you think this movie doesn't belong on this list, Has the fact that you're completely psycho managed to escape your attention?
RIP Heath Ledger.
4.Jennifer's Body
Although you may be asking yourself why a horror movie is in the top 10 high school movies... even more - the top 5, please believe me when I say it is SO much more than a horror movie. It has a lot of comedy, for one. But even deeper than that... it's somewhat of a character analysis between high school best friends. And while some may say this is a stretch and could be said about any high school movie, I disagree. And this is my site, so boo - cross out you.

3.Cruel Intentions

Although the majority of this movie takes place during the summer, everyone's favorite ORIGINAL Upper East Side'ers are still high school students. This movie has everything a successful high school career should have - laughs, tears, drama, comedy, manipulation, sex, drugs, bitches, lies and more manipulation, sex and bitches. And I will never be able to listen to "Bittersweet Symphony" the same way again...

2.Bring It On
This movie showed that cheerleaders are people, too. Or they're "dancers who've gone retarded." But whatever side you decide to take, you'll be entertained the whole time. I could do without the 4+ "sequels," but the original is cinematic gold. If it wasn't for my lack of upper body strength or unability to do gymnastics, I would have joined a cheerleading squad after seeing this movie. But instead, I just put on a skirt and lip synced to "Hey Mickey" in front of my mirror...
1. Mean Girls
I saw this movie 11 times in theaters, and if it is ever re-released, I would be first in line to see it again. I was Regina George for Halloween once, and it's still my favorite costume to date. The movie is amazingly funny, it's smart, it's truthful, it's Lindsay Lohan at the peak of her career, it's Rachel McAdams and Amanda Seyfried at only the beginning of theirs... In a word, it's fetch.


Top 10 High School TV Shows


10. Laguna Beach
Was season 1better? Season 2? It's really up in the air (unlike the rain, which falls downnnnnnnnnnn as sung so nicely by H.Duff at the start of each episode). But whether you're Team Kristin or Team LC, one thing is easy to decide: season 3 was CERTAINLY not the winner here. "Laguna Beach" brought us many great things: everyone and their mom had black & white parties after LC & friends did. And without "Laguna Beach," we wouldn't have "The Hills," which, in turn, means we wouldn't have "LA Candy." And without "LA Candy," what the hell is going to be at the top of my Book Club list when I have my own talk show?

Plus, when I am in the mood to get some during a night on the town, I drink before going out and yell at myself, "Keep dancin' on the bar, slutttttttttttttttttt."

9. Popular
I wasn't as much of an avid viewer as I wish I would have been. But I want to buy both seasons on DVD and start from the beginning. I know it ends with a cliffhanger, so I already hate myself for doing this to myself... but I can't help it. I like torturing myself. Ryan Murphy got too wild too soon, leading the show to its early dimise, but hopefully he learned from his mistakes (I don't think he did...)

8. Saved By The Bell
My favorite episode will always be the murder mystery episode, but I also enjoy any rap re-telling of "Snow White and the 7 Dorks." Ten-year-old me was OBSESSED with this show, and I would be lying if I said a small part of 24-year-old me wasn't still obsessed... Everything I want to be in life is the love child of Lisa Turtle, A.C. Slater, Zack Morris & Kelly Kapowski... Sorry Jesse & Screech, I don't need those genes. Or that hair.

7. Boy Meets World
Watching something that took place in Philadelphia was amazing for a young me. Watching something that took place in Philadelphia that was actually a great show was even better. Much like "Saved by the Bell," my favorite episode of this show is the scary movie episode. But Jennifer Love Hewitt cameos aside, this show owned my heart for a large part of my life. I still cringe every time I think about Cory having to stay at the ski cabin... Don't do itttttttttttttttttttt.

6. Glee
I have every song from this show on my iPod. Some of them more than once. So it's no secret that this is one of my favorite shows. But plot-wise, this show is very hit-or-miss. And I could use some more character development, as well. But I really do like it...

5. Dawson's Creek
"Dawson's Creek" showed the world that boys and girls CAN be just friends. Oh, wait. Maybe it didn't... but it did bring one of TV's greatest love triangles/squares to life. This show had a scary movie episode, too... Just sayin.

4. Gossip Girl
Based on the best-selling novels, "Gossip Girl" follows a group of rich Upper East Side'ers as their lives are... basically, stalked... by an obsessed internet fan. Although it's fun for us to watch each week, the fact that someone is following these students is creepy. I'm waiting for the "Gossip Girl/To Catch A Predator" crossover finale... XOXO.

3. 90210
When this show began, it relied on a high school version of "Spring Awakening" and too many original 90210'ers as cameos. But sometime during two seasons, it became its own show, leaving its original Beverly Hills roots and moving even further away from silly high school musical productions. The season 3 premiere featured car accidents, an earth quake, deaths, divorce, life changing accidents, sex, break ups, hook ups, sex dreams, and rape. Now THAT'S a show...

2. Veronica Mars
It took a while for me to get into this show. TOO long, actually. It wasn't the right time for me. "Buffy" had just ended, critics were comparing this show to that one... and I, for one, was not ready to fill the void with something claiming to be ready to take its spot. Nothing would EVER take the spot of that vampire slaying goddess in my heart, so I didn't need this high school bitch trying. Just stop, Veronica. Just stop.

Then many years later, I found myself bored and searching through "On Demand" when I came across "The WB" section. The pilot of "Veronica Mars" was only a click away, and so, I did. "Buffy" had been off of the air for a while now, and so I had an open mind and heart. And Veronica filled both. I'm going to make a bold statement, but out of 24 years of watching television, it's still something I believe... "Veronica Mars" has the best pilot episode I've ever seen. It's dramatic, it's MORE than enough to hook you and keep you coming back, it's touching. I've never felt so connected to characters as quickly as I did to my favorite Neptune residents...

And the graduation episode makes me tear up and get angry at the same time. And NOT because they're graduating... Ugh, Weevil. Gets me every time.

1. Buffy the Vampire Slayer
I could type until there is no more room on the internet about this show. I've always thought it would be wonderful to teach a college course on this show. It's symbolic. It's... maybe I CAN'T fill the internet with ramblings about this show because it leaves me speechless. I've never laughed AND cried at a show more than I have with this show. My best friend and I would have weekly "Buffy" dates where we could call each other and just stay silent through the episode and only talk during commercials. Which, as I think about it now, I'm surprised my parents didn't shove a stake through my heart for holding up the phone line/rackin up the phone bill, but I appreciate that the fact they didn't (seeing as I am a werewolf and not a vampire, it wouldn't have killed me, only made me angry...)

Besides fighting the undead, the emotions and situations in this show are some of the most realistic I've ever seen. And felt. "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" may have been a bad, cheesey 90's movie first, but the show will live on forever as the REAL Buffy (and in my head/heart, the ONLY Buffy).



...While I realize I'm no spring chicken and that if it's going to happen, it better happen soon, typing these lists made me realize I want to be an actor in a high school show. Just so I can get a graduation episode. I look quite dashing in a cap and gown. And I can rock a tux like nobody's business for a prom episode...
(CW, I'm talking to you...)

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The CWoncert You've All Been CWaiting For...

When I was but a young child around the age of 11 or 12, I went to Nickelodeon's "All That And More Musical Festival." Random bands played: B*Witched, ATeens, Blaque, LFO, etc. etc. etc. Nick Cannon MC'ed it. It was pretty much everything 12-year-old me could have asked for.

And I'm sure Nickelodeon raked in some cash money doing that tour, as well.

Disney does ALMOST the same thing... having the JoBros open for Miley, having Demi open for the JoBros... they know how to pimp out their talent when it comes to multi-city tours.

"American Idol" does season tours. "Glee" had a national tour. "So You Think You Can Dance" even goes on tour every season. Obviously, FOX has seen the money making light...

So, here we are... my biggest question in life... Are you there, God? It's me, Sexy Trash... If you are, please make a CW Tour happen.

Below are the following CW stars that dabble in music, as well...

Leighton Meester, Blair in "Gossip Girl," obviously...


Taylor Momsen, Little J in "Gossip Girl" is in a "band" and "sings."
(I'm sorry about the mess... those spots on your computer screen are chunks of my vomit...)


Jessica Lowndes, Adrianna in "90210"
Bethany Joy Galeotti, Hayley in "One Tree Hill"

Now that "Hellcats" is around, the network has Ashley Tisdale and Aly Michalka (of Aly and AJ fame) at their disposal...




And as the Emmys showed, Nina Dobrev, (Elena in "The Vampire Diaries") does SOMETHING with singing. I'm not sure why she was in the performance number because she
A. Has nothing to do with the Emmys
B. never really seemed to be a singer, but if she is... put this bitch on the CW tour.

So my question is... with all of these singing leads in their shows, why the dickens hasn't there been a CW tour? Tweens and Gays and Gay Tweens would fill those seats quicker than Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush's marriage. And if not... at least I'd be there. That has to count for something.

It makes me think that someone at the CW isn't doing their job. Sure, the shows are bringing in good (enough) ratings to stay on the air (for now.) And I know that the CW's target audience IS a fickle one... high school girls. They're number one fans now, but can turn on you faster than you'd like to believe, leaving shows like "Grosse Pointe" (RIP) in the dirt...

But who cares? For now, these bitches love "Gossip Girl" and "90210," so take advantage of it, milk their daddies for all they're worth and get me a CW concert!

I've been a CW fan since it was the WB, for God's sake...

...By the way, I only posted this so I would have an excuse to put up Jessica Lowndes's new song... So, if you get nothing else from this blog, at least watch that video.

Black Swan



I recently heard someone say that "Natalie Portman is the go-to Independent Movie Girl and she thinks she's a lot better than she actually is." I have two things to say about this:

1. Yes, it seems like she is. I do not have a problem with this, though, because when she kills it, she kills it.
2. Then she must think she is the next coming of J.C. because this girl owns the screen.

With that said - is she on my favorite actress list? No. While I do enjoy her in a great movie, for every "Closer," there's a "Star Wars." ...I know that "Star Wars" is a classic story or some junk and that the movie made more than I'll make in a lifetime, but I still don't want to see it.

What I DO want to see is "Black Swan." This isn't your mama's "Center Stage." The preview gives me chills and horrifies me all at the same time.



I can already picture my drunken self reenacting this movie, and it's drunken cinematic gold.
"What happened to my sweet girl?"
"SHE'S GONE."

...That shit's good.

And pulling feathers out of your skin while your eyes look like you're a character from "True Blood?" I'm in.
Plus, it's great to have Mila Kunis on my screen. She is fantastic, and I'd like to think she's underrated. She's cute in everything she's done, but she hasn't had a chance to WOW us yet (Sadly, "American Psycho 2: All American Girl" was not the award winner we all thought it'd be...) I have a feeling that "Black Swan" is her chance. Wow us, Mila. You already wow'ed me; now show the world.

This movie comes from Darren Aronofsky, director of "The Wrestler." He is saying that this is a companion piece to that film because both are a form of art, but from opposite ends of the spectrum. Wrestling is (sorry, Rock fans...) considered to be for trashy people while ballet is considered a high class event. Interesting... What really intrigues me, though, is that he says originally both stories were supposed to appear in "The Wrestler," having the main character interact with a slightly perturbed ballerina. I'm glad that didn't happen because I had/have no interest in seeing "The Wrestler," but am very much excited for this crazy ass bitch dancing on my screen.

And there's already Oscar buzz. Get ittttt, Mila.

"Black Swan" hits theaters December 1.
Merry Christmas, bitches.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

SCRE4M 4 MORE

...see what I did there? I'm so brilliant; sometimes I can't even deal with it.

"Scream 4" is opening April 15, 2011, and I, for one, could not be more excited. A quick warning: I would be excited if sock puppets acted out "Scream 4" on a Youtube video (which I'm sure exists, but refuse to look it up), but the fact that it is going to be a legit movie in theaters just makes me bleed glitter. I've been waiting 10 years for this shit, and I'd wait 10 more years for the next one...

Some people who I consider close (even best) friends have never seen these movies... and for that, I am ashamed and appalled. At them, of course, but also at myself. What kind of "friend" lets some of the people he cares most about go through life without seeing these amazing movies? Answer: A bad one.

Yes, they're "horror" movies, but more like Baby's First Horror Movie. While they may be a tad gore-y, they were made in the late 90's/early 2000's, so it's NOTHING compared to that sick "Saw" shit that's out today. While it may be "jump-y," it's nothing that a viewing of "Sex and the City" won't cure after. These movies are fun. And smart.

When I would tell people about "Mean Girls," I'd say "It does for High School comedies what 'Scream' did to horror films." And people would get it. "Ohhhh, it's smart AND fun!" Yes, you are correct.

But these bitches up in here that have gone 10+ years without watching 'Scream' would not get such references. Nor do they get references when I refer to "Jennifer's Body" as "'Scream' meets 'Mean Girls'" or when I refer to "Pretty Little Liars" as "'Scream' meets 'Gossip Girl.'"

Ladies, you know who you are. October is quickly approaching. Do yourself (and me) a favor - suck it up and watch all 3. You'll be glad you did. And I'll be glad you did when April 15 rolls around and I have someone to see the 4th one with (after I see it with you, Big Sexy...)

And the 4th installment is sure to be a crowd pleaser... with so many familiar faces, it's almost as if it's "He's Just Not Slicing Into You." But don't think you have to sit through the first three movies just to see faces you're used to from TV in the newest version. Oh, no, gurllll... there's plenty of familiar faces in the first 3 to keep your motor going. In fact, it's almost like all of my favorite shows got together and had a Halloween party. And now...since I'm obvi. on the list and you're with me, you're invited! Aren't I just the nicest??

SCREAM

Gale Weathers


In the first installment, we meet Gale Weathers, played by Courteney Cox. She is the original HBIC. She owns shit and doesn't care what people think of her. Because of that, she gets punched in the face, but ehhhh... all in a day. She lives to see the 4th movie, so home girl must be doing something right. If the worst she walks away with is a black eye, well... at least she's walking away.

But when NOT in Scream, we all know and love Courteney from "Friends" where she plays Monica Gellar. Although not our favorite character, the overly-clean (and shrill) roommate was hard not to love.


Principal Himbry
He's in two scenes. But I just like having Fonzie on my screen. Ayyyyyyy.


Tatum Riley
 Arguably the best character in the first movie.... make that the whole series..., Rose McGowan does a great job as Tatum, Sidney's bitchy best friend. Like Gale, she tells it as it is, but in a more high school bitch way as opposed to television reporter way. And let's face it: when it comes to high school bitches vs. professional ones, I'm always going to choose the high school one.

She was also on "Charmed." Her name started with a P, like everyone else on that show. I didn't really watch it... I just wanted a reason to include this fierce bitch in the post.


SCREAM 2

Film Class Guy #1
Normally, an unnamed character in a horror movie would mean this guy gets gutted faster than he can run. But in this case, it just meant Joshua Jackson was too busy stealing Joey from Dawson to film a real part for this movie and producers just wanted to flash his face in trailers so tween'ers could moan "Ohhhhh Pacey." But, hey - it works for me. Ohhhh Pacey.

Derek
To the five of you who haven't seen these movies - I'll try not to give too much away, but usually horror movie characters with no last name isn't really a good sign for their fate... Let's just say we won't be seeing my boy Derek in the fourth one. Which is a shame because I do love his character as well as Jerry O'Connell, in general...

Except when he guest starred on "Ugly Betty." He was a jerk and was mean to my favorite tranny, Alexis Meade. I wish this O'Connell character died instead of... well, again - I don't want to ruin anything, so... carry on.

Casey 'CiCi' Cooper
You just read that having no last name is the death wish of horror movies, so you think this bitch having a nickname and last name would let her slide on through to the third film... but alas, Sarah Michelle Gellar did not pay much attention on the "Buffy" set on the "How to Kick Serial Killer Ass" day... And so, we only see her for one scene. But it's a good scene if that makes up for anything.

And we can see any skills she lacks in "Scream 2" in all 7 seasons of Buffy... except the 2 episodes where she dies.

Debbie Salt
I love things named Debbie Salt. I love them even more when they were previously named Aunt Jackie.

SCREAM 3

Christine Hamilton
Before she was XOXO'ing as Lily VanderWoodsen, Kelly Rutherford was being killed in the opening scene of "Scream 3." Not only did Christine die, though, but another character who was once a main player in the "Scream" franchise, showing that when it comes to trilogies, anything can happen. So watch your backs, bitches.

Jennifer Jolie
Jennifer Jolie plays Gale Weathers in the movie-within-a-movie, "Stab 3." She easily steals every scene she is in, which is not shocking as Parker Posey does just that in mostly everything she is in, including her appearances as "Dorleen the Whoreleen" on "Will & Grace."

Detective Mark Kinkaid
Before McSteamy, he was McDetective. Not as cute as McSteamy, but still gets the job done.

Roman Bridges
On "Felicity," she had to choose between Ben and this charming young lad, Noel. I was always a Ben man, myself... But that is neither here nor there. There is no love triangle in "Scream 3." There is just a serial killer. And because of that serial killer, "Stab 3" gets canned... much to the dismay of its director, Roman Bridges.


SCREAM 4


4 No-Name Bitches
Sorry, ladies... I love your work. Seriously, I do. 90210, Pretty Little Liars, True Blood, VERONICA MARS... I consider them all my favorite shows. Check my Facebook if you don't believe me. But the fact that it took a week to film your scenes and you're not posted on IMDB... Well, it ain't lookin' good...

Kirby Reed
Hayden, I loved you on Heroes.... until it started sucking. But until then, I loved your non-dying ass. I have a feeling you won't have the same power in this movie, and that makes me sad. But hopefully you are the killer because I'd love to see you be cray cray...