Sunday, August 29, 2010

Fall TV: A Love Story

Choosing between two very important things is hard. I know I have been known to get myself in Zack Morris-like situations where I have double booked myself, but still want to see both people I made plans with. Yes, it involves a lot of lying (which SexyTrash does NOT condone), but sometimes it's necessary. I don't want any hurt feelings, and honestly - having the thrill of playing this little secret agent game of sneaking out of one movie theater and into another for a few minutes is fun. But we've all watched our share of romantic comedies and "Save By The Bell," and we know these situations never end well. You're always discovered.

Both of your dates found out about the other and are demanding you choose ONE. So, what's your choice? The friend who's been there for you for a while now and that you share many memories (both good and bad, full of many laughs and gasps)? OR the guy that's new in town - you don't know much about him, but he offers many surprises and promises you won't be let down?

Who do you choose? Who do you choose?!

And what happens when ANOTHER old friend enters the mix, offering the same memories of laughs and gasps as your other old friend? It's a love triangle, no - love square - that you've gotten yourself into and you don't know the way out.

I do.


Luckily, with today's technology we don't need to get ourselves in Zack Morris situations (when it comes to TV, anyway... good luck with your boy troubles, though.) Sure, we'll have to choose which show to watch at its original time - our returning favorites (the old friend) or a new show (the new guy in town), but we also have the ability to go on a date with the other AS SOON AS Date #2 is over.

For you sick bitches that don't have DVR (or haven't had the pleasure of watching TV online), I'm making it easy for you with a Sexy Trash Fall TV Guide...

These are only shows that Sexy Trash wants to watch, so you will not be finding any crime dramas or anatomies of the Gray variety...

**Italicized shows indicate NEW programming.
    This font color indicates shows you should watch LIVE as opposed to DVR'ing.



90210 (The CW, Premiere: Sept 13)
This is the premiere I have been waiting all summer for. If that makes me a bad Gleek, so be it...

When we were RUDELY left with a cliffhanger ending, Naomi was being raped by her teacher that she already falsely accused of sexual harrasement. No one is going to believe my princess, and that is heart breaking.

In other bad teacher news... Mr. Matthews was under the influence and crashed the school's shuttle bus.

Annie tells her parents (who are in the middle of discussing a divorce) that she "has something to tell you..." SHE KILLED A MAN AND KEPT IT A SECRET FOR A YEAR. I just have to say... Thank Heavens this is finally coming out. I was so over this storyline.

I'm not sure how these cliff hangers are going to unravel when my favorite zip code returns to me on Sept. 13, but I DO know it involves THE START OF SENIOR YEARRRRRR. And an earthquake. Hopefully one that kills Jasper. Or Annie. Or the rapist teacher. Or all three...

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, Premiere: Sept 20)
This is not a Thursday night in the 90's, so I will never have a sitcom on the "Must Watch LIVE" list...

While "How I Met Your Mother" is a great show and has many water cooler moments, they are not necessarily moments that need to be discussed at the water cooler RIGHT AWAY. The water cooler will still be in the office a few days later, and so will your DVR... well, not in your office unless you have the coolest job ever... but in your living room.

What I MAY watch live, though, is Nicole Scherzinger's cameo as Robin's popstar friend from the 80's... I'm seeing another Robin Sparkles music video in our future.

Oh, yeah... and Lily and Marshall want to have a baby this year.


Gossip Girl (The CW, Premiere: Sept 13)
Yes, many people have given up on everyone's once favorite Upper East Siders. But I haven't. It's true I've never been a fan of Little J (so hopefully she stays away for a while...), but the rest of the characters - I'll love forever.

Now that B is "done with Chuck for good" (which I hope is true), I hope that we can expect the Wicked Bitch of the (Upper) East (Side) that we've all come to know and love instead of the mopey love sick semi-bitch she became in season 3. Fingers crossed, ladies...

Speaking of Chuck, when we left him at the end of season 3, he was shot and left for dead in an alley way. Will he die? Obviously not. Why? "Because... I'm Chuck Bass."  And because anyone that's ever watched television knows this is just how this works. What will this mean for B & C's relationship? Hopefully nothing. You're over, he was shot - so what? Keep on moving, B. It's better for you, it's better for all of us.

So why is Gossip Girl not on the "Must Watch LIVE" list? While I'm not over Gossip Girl like many former fans are, I don't mind catching it the next day.


The Event (NBC, Premiere: Sept 20)
This preview has me shaking. I've never been a "Lost" fan, but if I had been, I imagine the previews for this give almost the same feeling as previews for "Lost" gave its fans. In just 4 minutes, I want answers and I want them now.

I'm interested to see how the stories tie together, and I want to know what the Event is...

However, with that said - the idea of this as a TV series makes me nervous. I wish it was a movie or a mini-series, because I feel like shows like this that last a long time are not what they were when they started. I see this going one of two negative ways...

1. The show leaves questions unanswered until the very end (a la "Lost,") but brings so many other questions up throughout its run that we forget which questions we want answered the most. Also, so many plot twists and new questions could make this show something totally different than what it started out as.

2. The show answers all of its questions within 1-2 seasons (a la "Veronica Mars,") which leaves the next season with a new mystery to introduce... a new mystery that fans don't care about as much and leads the show to an early cancellation... (I'm looking at you, Hearst College rapist...)



Glee (FOX, Premiere: Sept 21)
When we last saw our New Directions kids, they were losing Regionals. Sad face. But somewhere in Sue Sylvester, her tiny heart grew (not three sizes like the Grinch, but maybe one and a half sizes..) and she blackmailed Principal Figgins (yet again) to let them stay a choir.

So we have more Glee! Quinn had her baby at the end of season 1, and Rachel's birth mother adopted her so she could raise the little girl she had, but never had... Cute, kind of.

Enough of last season... Episode 2 brings us an episode entitled "Britney/Brittany" that involves two of my favorite things: Britney Spears and the clueless Cheerio, Brittany. I'm more excited for this episode than I am for the premiere.

Hopefully Ryan Murphy took some of my ideas to make Glee better for this season, because I'd really love for this show to become even "Stronger," and not "Lucky" to have another season... When it first started, I would scream "Gimme more!" every week, but now that result only happens "Sometimes."

...see what I did there?
No Ordinary Family (ABC, Premiere: Sept 28)
Think "The Incredibles" meets "Heroes" meets your average ABC family dramedy. Except this has Julie Benz (Dexter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), so it's an automatic win in my book.

In fact, if this show was on ANY other timeslot, it would be italicized right now as a "Must Watch LIVE!" selection (okay, maybe not against Hellcats and maybe not against 90210...), but putting it against Glee? Are they out of their minds? Sure, one would think that a show about super heroes isn't exactly the same target audience as the obsessive theater geeks that watch Glee... and for the most part, they are probably correct. But here at Sexy Trash, we own Heroes, Glee, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and High School Musical on DVD. To put it simply, we're well rounded. And we'd enjoy to watch this AND Glee. But since someone is out to get us, "No Ordinary Family" gets put on our "Must DVR" list, instead...



Hellcats (The CW, Premiere: Sept 8)
Oh. My. God. I've been doing extra crunches just so I can wear booty shorts and a belly shirt as I watch this.

Ever since A.Tiz posted the news of her casting on her Twitter (yes, I follow Ashley Tisdale on Twitter. Please don't 1. Act surprised or 2. Judge me), I've been counting down the days until this premiere. And now, with it only one week away, I am shaking with excitement and planning routines to every Jock Jams remix I've ever heard.

Cheerleading. CW drama. A poor girl who doesn't want to cheerlead but sees no other choice. Ashley Tisdale. This could easily become my new favorite show, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. What I'd like to happen is for Ashley Tisdale to be the resident bitch, but sadly, I'm not seeing it...

In fact, I'm just seeing "Bring It On" as a TV show with Ashley Tisdale playing Torrence and Aly Michalka as Missy. Which I am more than fine with....



The Vampire Diaries (The CW, Premiere: Sept 9)
To be honest, I haven't even watched the second half of season 1. But I want to catch up and I want to watch season 2. I miss Damon Salvatore in my life.

My Generation (ABC, Premiere: Sept 23)
I saw a preview for this in theaters when I saw "Eclipse." Why it was showing during movie previews... I have no idea. It confused me, obviously. I thought it was a movie, and I was excited about it. I thought that it would be one of the movies that I saw 9 times in theaters (and joined the ranks of "Mean Girls" and "High School Musical 3"), but THEN it said "Coming to ABC this Fall," and I screamed and gasped and shoved popcorn in my mouth. I get to watch this EVERY WEEK? Without paying $13 every time!? I'm in.

This is everything I love about life. Reality shows. High school cliques. Growing up. The trailer gives me chills, so I already know I'm going to cry like a baby on graduation day during this show.


Friday nights are where TV comes to die. Nothing worth watching is ever on (except "Ugly Betty," but that has come and gone...)
So, do one of two things.
1. You've been watching TV all week. Get a life.
2. You've been living your life all week. Catch up on your DVR'ed shows.



Saturday Night Live (NBC, Premiere: Sept 25)
Fred Armisen returns to the cast this season as Will Forte makes his exit. Three new cast members are joining (two men, one woman), but none of them will be as good as Kristen Wiig. The day this woman leaves SNL is the day my life is over.

Jane Lynch is hosting the third episode of the season, but other hosts/musical guests have not been announced yet.

Although this is the only show airing during this timeslot, Sexy Trash still suggests you DVR this one. SNL has been very hit or miss lately (and always), so when it's a "miss," you can fast forward until you see Kristen Wiig's face on your screen. (That's usually a hint that it's a hit...) I repeat - the day this woman leaves, my life is OVER.


The Amazing Race (CBS, Premiere: Sept 26)
I don't know anything about the new contestants, I just know I'm not on it (because they have their auditions ungodly early in the year, so I missed them...) Becuase of my lack of contestant knowledge, I can't tell you much about this new season. What I CAN tell you is CBS changed the air time from 8:00 to 8:30... It's almost as if they are trying to ruin my life. This was made for a perfect Sunday evening TV schedule: Amazing Race and then Housewives.

But CBS had to go and screw me hard. Looks like we're DVR'ing this one.


Desperate Housewives (ABC, Premiere: Sept 26)
I want to know whose baby was switched at birth ASAP and I want more Andrew on my screen.

Even though Paul Young is tied into the new mystery, I could actually do without him... But such is life...

Vanessa Williams is hereeeeee (in an Oprah voice) and I couldn't be more excited. While the mysteries/new neighbors are always my least favorite part of the show, I'm sure V.Williams will change my mind. I wish she were playing Whilemina, but I'm sure they tried extra hard to make sure her character was such the other end of the spectrum from Ms. Slater that she will be practically unrecognizable... Whatever. I just want her to be a bitch... Edie's dead, somebody has to fill those heels... (and from the looks of this promo, I think they found the right woman to do it)

So, what's the choice?
What shows will you be DVR'ing and what shows will you be watching live?
Any new/returning shows NOT on the list that you'll be watching??


  1. if you had watched the season finale of grey's, it would be on this list! in purple and italics.

  2. ^SOOO TRUE. I love grey's.
    Anyway, hello. I actually think glee is a great
    show also and I have a desperate desire for one Noah Puckerman (mark salling). I'm really excited for season two and i hope pucks in it a HELL lot more. I mean, before there were episodes where i'd be thrilled he sais one line! But now with quinns annoying baby belly finally returingnto normal aize , it xould be jusy what thw show needs. Another show I'd suggest is WHITECOLLAR!!

  3. Im sorry donny. My
    phone is mean.
    Keep blogging and if you ever go mark salling searing in hollywood...Im your girl!

  4. Love the Glee Britney references! I am also, more excited for that episode than for the premiere. Although, I am counting down the days, not only for the premiere, but also for the Season 1 Volume 2 dvd release (Sept 14) :D

  5. If Chuck Bass dies, i'll die. However I would'nt mind if that little blonde, who does 'let me be different & wear too much black eye makeup because i see the world at a darker shade anyway', were to take a few too many pills on a dramatic quest attention.

    maybe that was too much. but she's still a hoe.

    Love you Donny.

  6. I also CANNOT wait for Hellcats and No Ordinary Family. I'm pumped for my faves to come back, Housewives and Glee. I need to warm myself back up to my old lover, Gossip Girl, I've missed her but I just wasn't into it last season, guess that's one i'll be buying and watching. My fall will be complete with all of these shows...and my DVR will be filling up.

  7. I'm bothered by the 1992 photo of Zack Morris and A.C. Slater that greets me as I open this article. I don't know why, but a bad taste in my mouth there most certainly is.

    No Ordinary Family? No Way In Hell is more like it. Please. I thought you had taste.

    I refer to your post on how to make Glee better for my thoughts on the upcoming season. Good luck Ryan Murphy.

    I've never watched one second of Desperate Housewives. Why watch the script when I can watch real bitches on bravo?

    Other than that, I'm with ya. I can't wait for The Event (and still think you should try to get into Lost), and HellCats has about two episodes to win me over. And considering me and television shows, you know two episodes is a stretch.

    I've never watched Amazing Race. But apparently I should? lol

    Oh, and Vampire Diaries are retarded. Anything that's not True Blood should not exist. lol

  8. Desperate Housewives=amazing.

    Very curious to see what the writers will do with Glee long-term, since, as we all know, they're constricted by the timeline of high school...and we'd have to wait an entire year (in the plot) to get them to regionals unless some of the older kids start failing classes, we're going to run into a problem that only Glee: The College Years could fix.

    (See that? I tied into a Zack Morris reference. Woot!)