Monday, August 30, 2010

A Summer Round-Up

While you may officially still have one week to get all the use out of your white pants, for most purposes - Summer has ended. School is back in session, the weather has turned a bit cooler, and Fall TV is beginning to return. Sure, we can cry about this fact as we pack our school lunches, but instead, let's focus on the memories we've made this summer. I'm not talking about your hook up at the beach... I'm talking about our favorite Summer entertainment.

TOP SUMMER 2010 SONGS

3. "I Like It" - Enrique Iglesias

My once-moled, but now removed Latin Lover is back. And he knows what he's doing. While he may have been resting for a little while, Enrique is trying to push his way back into our lives... and while I'm open to it any day of the week, there may be some neigh-sayers who might roll their eyes at the thought of the "Hero" song bird chirping in their ears once more. "This isn't 2004," you may here. But do not let this discourage you because Enrique knows what it will take to fight his way back. No, this isn't 2004, so having Jennifer Love Hewitt in your "Hero" video isn't going to win you back your fan base. And he knows that. So he turned to another Jennifer... and her last name(s) isn't Love Hewitt - it's Woww.

That's correct. For his newest video, Enrique turned to the cast of Jersey Shore to help him out. And even got placed on the soundtrack? Will this get him back to the status he once was (say...in 2004?) Probably not, but will it get him a mall tour? Maybe. And I'll be first in line. Welcome back, Enrique. I've missed you.

2. "Love the Way You Lie" - Eminem ft. Rihanna


While Sexy Trash does not approve of domestic violence and thinks you should call a hotline if it is happening to you or someone you know, I DO approve of this video. Eminem, Rihanna, Megan Fox... it's just too good to ignore. Rihanna's chorus gets me every time, and I often sing it loudly on the subway (much to the dismay of women next to me who sometimes inform me that they "sure do" hate me...)

While I understand the controversy surrounding this song/video (she was a victim of domestic violence, he was an abuser; what are they thinking?!), I don't think this song condones domestic violence, but instead teaches of the mindset... But I can see why people are nervous to enjoy it.

Either way, though, I love it... and I speak from experience - if you are locked out of your room for seven hours with nothing but an iPod, reenacting this video can be quite fun...

1. "California Gurls" - Katy Perry


Candy Land. Slutty outfits made of candy. Snoop Dogg.

I can't. (in a good way).

Anyone that says this song is anything other than sweet summer goodness is A) an idiot or B) diabetic.


TOP SUMMER 2010 SHOWS

3. Jersey Shore 2

They're backkkk. And more ridiculous than ever. Yes, I think they are stepping their game up and trying to out-do their first season, but it's still fun to watch Snooki make a fool of herself and not care what anyone thinks. That pint sized princess is a God-send...

2. Big Brother

While this show had the potential of being #1 on the Best Summer Shows list, I think my baby girl Britney is going home soon, so it ruins everything. Get back to me in a month and I'll let you know if it was bumped to the top of the list or snuggled in at the number 2 spot... But even if it ends up stuck at number 2, it was a great summer full of lies, yelling, laughs and cheers, and I can't wait to do it all again next summer (from INSIDE the Big Brother house...)

1. Pretty Little Liars

This ABC Family drama is a dash of "Gossip Girl" and a dash of "Scream," and it kept me interested until the last second. I can't wait for the second half of season 1 to return in the winter, and even more so - I can't wait to find out who "A" is...


TOP SUMMER 2010 MOVIES

3. Inception

Fine. I didn't see this. I spent my money seeing "Charlie St. Cloud" instead, and while I'd love to include that in the best 2010 summer movies, I can't do it with a clear conscience knowing that movies like "Inception" are out there. While I can't give reasons as to why this is one of the top movies of the summer, I can say that it has everyone talking - young, old, men, women, black, white, gays, straights... anyone and everyone loves this movie. There are people that are turning this into their own personal "Mean Girls" and seeing it 9 times in theaters... I thought I was the only one to do such things, but Inception is taking over. When it comes out on DVD, I'll certainly Netflix it and most likely curse myself for never seeing it in theaters. Until then, I can only report on what I know, so as Jay Z says, "On to the next one..."

2. Scott Pilgrim vs. the World

When I saw previews for this, I wasn't sure I'd like it. But when I actually saw it, it turned out to be everything I've ever wanted in a movie. Over the top comedy, random nonsense that made me giggle, awesome fight scenes (I may not act like one all of the time, but I AM a boy so I enjoy some 'splosions and punches time and time again.... As long as they involve bright colors), and a cute little love story mixed in.

Plus, it didn't hurt that my new favorite actress (Sorry, KBell... you can win me back with "You Again" and "Scream 4"), Anna Kendrick, played Scott's sister, and although she was only a supporting role (as always), she made her presence known and sometimes stole her scenes (as always).

It didn't do as well as it should have in theaters, but neither did "Jennifer's Body," and we all know how I feel about that...

1. Eclipse

Twilight fans will agree. Anti-Twilight fans won't. That's just the way it is. But this was clearly the most anticipated film of the summer, and it didn't disappoint. More action than the first two movies, enough Jacob to keep my heart pounding and my mouth watering, and some back story that helps us dive deeper into the Cullen clan's personal lives (except Edward, because I don't care about him... Barf.) Plus, Jacob and Bella kiss... so, GET ITTTTT, YOU SEXY DOG MAN.

...butI'llstillbewaitingforyouwhenthatbitchturnsyoudown.




So, that's that. The best movies, shows and music of Summer 2010. We'll be back next year - same time, same place to do this all again - hopefully Part 1 of "Breaking Dawn" is on this list, but I already know what happens, and I'm not feeling it. But more of that another time...

Good luck at school and have fun wearing cute Fall clothes!

What were your favorite Summer 2010 movies/shows/music?!?!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Fall TV: A Love Story

Choosing between two very important things is hard. I know I have been known to get myself in Zack Morris-like situations where I have double booked myself, but still want to see both people I made plans with. Yes, it involves a lot of lying (which SexyTrash does NOT condone), but sometimes it's necessary. I don't want any hurt feelings, and honestly - having the thrill of playing this little secret agent game of sneaking out of one movie theater and into another for a few minutes is fun. But we've all watched our share of romantic comedies and "Save By The Bell," and we know these situations never end well. You're always discovered.

Both of your dates found out about the other and are demanding you choose ONE. So, what's your choice? The friend who's been there for you for a while now and that you share many memories (both good and bad, full of many laughs and gasps)? OR the guy that's new in town - you don't know much about him, but he offers many surprises and promises you won't be let down?

Who do you choose? Who do you choose?!

And what happens when ANOTHER old friend enters the mix, offering the same memories of laughs and gasps as your other old friend? It's a love triangle, no - love square - that you've gotten yourself into and you don't know the way out.

I do.

DVR.

Luckily, with today's technology we don't need to get ourselves in Zack Morris situations (when it comes to TV, anyway... good luck with your boy troubles, though.) Sure, we'll have to choose which show to watch at its original time - our returning favorites (the old friend) or a new show (the new guy in town), but we also have the ability to go on a date with the other AS SOON AS Date #2 is over.

For you sick bitches that don't have DVR (or haven't had the pleasure of watching TV online), I'm making it easy for you with a Sexy Trash Fall TV Guide...

These are only shows that Sexy Trash wants to watch, so you will not be finding any crime dramas or anatomies of the Gray variety...

**Italicized shows indicate NEW programming.
    This font color indicates shows you should watch LIVE as opposed to DVR'ing.

MONDAY

8:00

90210 (The CW, Premiere: Sept 13)
This is the premiere I have been waiting all summer for. If that makes me a bad Gleek, so be it...

When we were RUDELY left with a cliffhanger ending, Naomi was being raped by her teacher that she already falsely accused of sexual harrasement. No one is going to believe my princess, and that is heart breaking.

In other bad teacher news... Mr. Matthews was under the influence and crashed the school's shuttle bus.

Annie tells her parents (who are in the middle of discussing a divorce) that she "has something to tell you..." SHE KILLED A MAN AND KEPT IT A SECRET FOR A YEAR. I just have to say... Thank Heavens this is finally coming out. I was so over this storyline.

I'm not sure how these cliff hangers are going to unravel when my favorite zip code returns to me on Sept. 13, but I DO know it involves THE START OF SENIOR YEARRRRRR. And an earthquake. Hopefully one that kills Jasper. Or Annie. Or the rapist teacher. Or all three...

How I Met Your Mother (CBS, Premiere: Sept 20)
This is not a Thursday night in the 90's, so I will never have a sitcom on the "Must Watch LIVE" list...

While "How I Met Your Mother" is a great show and has many water cooler moments, they are not necessarily moments that need to be discussed at the water cooler RIGHT AWAY. The water cooler will still be in the office a few days later, and so will your DVR... well, not in your office unless you have the coolest job ever... but in your living room.

What I MAY watch live, though, is Nicole Scherzinger's cameo as Robin's popstar friend from the 80's... I'm seeing another Robin Sparkles music video in our future.

Oh, yeah... and Lily and Marshall want to have a baby this year.


9:00

Gossip Girl (The CW, Premiere: Sept 13)
Yes, many people have given up on everyone's once favorite Upper East Siders. But I haven't. It's true I've never been a fan of Little J (so hopefully she stays away for a while...), but the rest of the characters - I'll love forever.

Now that B is "done with Chuck for good" (which I hope is true), I hope that we can expect the Wicked Bitch of the (Upper) East (Side) that we've all come to know and love instead of the mopey love sick semi-bitch she became in season 3. Fingers crossed, ladies...

Speaking of Chuck, when we left him at the end of season 3, he was shot and left for dead in an alley way. Will he die? Obviously not. Why? "Because... I'm Chuck Bass."  And because anyone that's ever watched television knows this is just how this works. What will this mean for B & C's relationship? Hopefully nothing. You're over, he was shot - so what? Keep on moving, B. It's better for you, it's better for all of us.

So why is Gossip Girl not on the "Must Watch LIVE" list? While I'm not over Gossip Girl like many former fans are, I don't mind catching it the next day.

XOXO...

The Event (NBC, Premiere: Sept 20)
This preview has me shaking. I've never been a "Lost" fan, but if I had been, I imagine the previews for this give almost the same feeling as previews for "Lost" gave its fans. In just 4 minutes, I want answers and I want them now.

I'm interested to see how the stories tie together, and I want to know what the Event is...

However, with that said - the idea of this as a TV series makes me nervous. I wish it was a movie or a mini-series, because I feel like shows like this that last a long time are not what they were when they started. I see this going one of two negative ways...

1. The show leaves questions unanswered until the very end (a la "Lost,") but brings so many other questions up throughout its run that we forget which questions we want answered the most. Also, so many plot twists and new questions could make this show something totally different than what it started out as.

2. The show answers all of its questions within 1-2 seasons (a la "Veronica Mars,") which leaves the next season with a new mystery to introduce... a new mystery that fans don't care about as much and leads the show to an early cancellation... (I'm looking at you, Hearst College rapist...)



TUESDAY

8:00

Glee (FOX, Premiere: Sept 21)
When we last saw our New Directions kids, they were losing Regionals. Sad face. But somewhere in Sue Sylvester, her tiny heart grew (not three sizes like the Grinch, but maybe one and a half sizes..) and she blackmailed Principal Figgins (yet again) to let them stay a choir.

So we have more Glee! Quinn had her baby at the end of season 1, and Rachel's birth mother adopted her so she could raise the little girl she had, but never had... Cute, kind of.

Enough of last season... Episode 2 brings us an episode entitled "Britney/Brittany" that involves two of my favorite things: Britney Spears and the clueless Cheerio, Brittany. I'm more excited for this episode than I am for the premiere.

Hopefully Ryan Murphy took some of my ideas to make Glee better for this season, because I'd really love for this show to become even "Stronger," and not "Lucky" to have another season... When it first started, I would scream "Gimme more!" every week, but now that result only happens "Sometimes."

...see what I did there?
No Ordinary Family (ABC, Premiere: Sept 28)
Think "The Incredibles" meets "Heroes" meets your average ABC family dramedy. Except this has Julie Benz (Dexter, Buffy the Vampire Slayer), so it's an automatic win in my book.

In fact, if this show was on ANY other timeslot, it would be italicized right now as a "Must Watch LIVE!" selection (okay, maybe not against Hellcats and maybe not against 90210...), but putting it against Glee? Are they out of their minds? Sure, one would think that a show about super heroes isn't exactly the same target audience as the obsessive theater geeks that watch Glee... and for the most part, they are probably correct. But here at Sexy Trash, we own Heroes, Glee, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and High School Musical on DVD. To put it simply, we're well rounded. And we'd enjoy to watch this AND Glee. But since someone is out to get us, "No Ordinary Family" gets put on our "Must DVR" list, instead...




WEDNESDAY

8:00

Hellcats (The CW, Premiere: Sept 8)
Oh. My. God. I've been doing extra crunches just so I can wear booty shorts and a belly shirt as I watch this.

Ever since A.Tiz posted the news of her casting on her Twitter (yes, I follow Ashley Tisdale on Twitter. Please don't 1. Act surprised or 2. Judge me), I've been counting down the days until this premiere. And now, with it only one week away, I am shaking with excitement and planning routines to every Jock Jams remix I've ever heard.

Cheerleading. CW drama. A poor girl who doesn't want to cheerlead but sees no other choice. Ashley Tisdale. This could easily become my new favorite show, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. What I'd like to happen is for Ashley Tisdale to be the resident bitch, but sadly, I'm not seeing it...

In fact, I'm just seeing "Bring It On" as a TV show with Ashley Tisdale playing Torrence and Aly Michalka as Missy. Which I am more than fine with....


THURSDAY

8:00

The Vampire Diaries (The CW, Premiere: Sept 9)
To be honest, I haven't even watched the second half of season 1. But I want to catch up and I want to watch season 2. I miss Damon Salvatore in my life.

My Generation (ABC, Premiere: Sept 23)
I saw a preview for this in theaters when I saw "Eclipse." Why it was showing during movie previews... I have no idea. It confused me, obviously. I thought it was a movie, and I was excited about it. I thought that it would be one of the movies that I saw 9 times in theaters (and joined the ranks of "Mean Girls" and "High School Musical 3"), but THEN it said "Coming to ABC this Fall," and I screamed and gasped and shoved popcorn in my mouth. I get to watch this EVERY WEEK? Without paying $13 every time!? I'm in.

This is everything I love about life. Reality shows. High school cliques. Growing up. The trailer gives me chills, so I already know I'm going to cry like a baby on graduation day during this show.

FRIDAY

Friday nights are where TV comes to die. Nothing worth watching is ever on (except "Ugly Betty," but that has come and gone...)
So, do one of two things.
1. You've been watching TV all week. Get a life.
2. You've been living your life all week. Catch up on your DVR'ed shows.

SATURDAY

11:30

Saturday Night Live (NBC, Premiere: Sept 25)
Fred Armisen returns to the cast this season as Will Forte makes his exit. Three new cast members are joining (two men, one woman), but none of them will be as good as Kristen Wiig. The day this woman leaves SNL is the day my life is over.

Jane Lynch is hosting the third episode of the season, but other hosts/musical guests have not been announced yet.

Although this is the only show airing during this timeslot, Sexy Trash still suggests you DVR this one. SNL has been very hit or miss lately (and always), so when it's a "miss," you can fast forward until you see Kristen Wiig's face on your screen. (That's usually a hint that it's a hit...) I repeat - the day this woman leaves, my life is OVER.
SUNDAY

8:30

The Amazing Race (CBS, Premiere: Sept 26)
I don't know anything about the new contestants, I just know I'm not on it (because they have their auditions ungodly early in the year, so I missed them...) Becuase of my lack of contestant knowledge, I can't tell you much about this new season. What I CAN tell you is CBS changed the air time from 8:00 to 8:30... It's almost as if they are trying to ruin my life. This was made for a perfect Sunday evening TV schedule: Amazing Race and then Housewives.

But CBS had to go and screw me hard. Looks like we're DVR'ing this one.

9:00

Desperate Housewives (ABC, Premiere: Sept 26)
I want to know whose baby was switched at birth ASAP and I want more Andrew on my screen.

Even though Paul Young is tied into the new mystery, I could actually do without him... But such is life...

Vanessa Williams is hereeeeee (in an Oprah voice) and I couldn't be more excited. While the mysteries/new neighbors are always my least favorite part of the show, I'm sure V.Williams will change my mind. I wish she were playing Whilemina, but I'm sure they tried extra hard to make sure her character was such the other end of the spectrum from Ms. Slater that she will be practically unrecognizable... Whatever. I just want her to be a bitch... Edie's dead, somebody has to fill those heels... (and from the looks of this promo, I think they found the right woman to do it)





So, what's the choice?
What shows will you be DVR'ing and what shows will you be watching live?
Any new/returning shows NOT on the list that you'll be watching??

Friday, August 27, 2010

Big Brother: My Abusive Boyfriend

 Times that reality show competitions leave me happy are few and far between. For every Kris Allen on American Idol, there's a Taylor Hicks. For every Jordan Lloyd on Big Brother, there's a Dick Donato. For every Jeanine Mason on So You Think You Can Dance, there's a (and it's still so recent, it pains me to type this...) Lauren Froderman. However, like a bad ex that was sometimes good in bed, I have to go back everytime it's offered. I know there's a 90% chance I'll hate myself afterwards, but there's the 10% that thinks MAYBE, JUST MAYBE this time will be different...

So, here we are - Summer 2010. The ex is back. Just like he is every summer. Offering one more chance at happiness... and he comes in the form of "Big Brother."


A quick back story, all good reality TV stars have a back story:

I've been watching "Big Brother" since season 6. For the past three years, I have attended open calls and/or sent in audition videos, and for the past three years, I haven't gotten so much as a call back. Why? Well, number 1 - I think the audition man in Philly hates me for some unknown reason, and 2 - that's all I can think of. Because let's face it - I would make great reality TV. I'm funny, I'm somewhat attractive, I like to drink, I like to get naked, and I am very competitive and would sell a bitch down a river to win "Big Brother."

And what REALLY gets me... is the season I first auditioned was the season with Steven (the gay cowboy).

Sure, I may not have been a cowboy, but he was Snoresville, USA and I would have been better. Now he has moved on to a career in PORN. ....He is out to ruin my life and steal my career. First "Big Brother" and now THIS? If he marries Zac Efron/Taylor Lautner/Jake Gyllenhaal or publishes a book that becomes a CW show, I'm out for blood...

But that's enough back story for now. You googled your way to a "Big Brother 12" blog, not a scorned man venting about his lack of fame, and so a "Big Brother 12" blog you will get...

BUT FIRST... (that was in my best J.Chen voice, by the way)

Every summer, when the "Big Brother" cast is announced, I am torn. A part of me is glad, ecstatic even, that the show is in my life again. Another part of me, however, hates every single new house guest from the beginning... just for the simple fact that I am not them. They are sleeping in my Head of Household bed, eating my slop, winning my veto...

Usually a good number of the new house guests win me over, though, and I wonder what I ever could have hated about them.

You'll notice I said USUALLY. This year, only two house guests have won me over...

BRITNEY & RAGAN

Without these two house guests, my summer would have been meaningless. Not only is Britney a great competitor (3 Power of Veto competitions!), she does AMAZING diary room commentary. This season would have been a total snore fest without her witty, sassy and often overly bitchy remarks about her fellow houseguests...

I will not graffiti my blog with pictures of Rachel... so if I talk about her from here on out, just know it's the parrot-faced, shrill red head with cheap extensions that I'm talking about. But we don't need to talk about people I DON'T like (yet...). This section is dedicated to the two that I DO enjoy, so on with the show - Ragan is also great. America seems to be very Anti-Ragan, and I don't get it. He seems like a nice person, he's good television, and I just like him. Would I be better TV? Yes. But again - this is not my time to be bitter and vent.

The time has come. People I hate. Rachel, yes. We discussed that.

But there is a 4-Headed Monster in the house (well, 3 now. One was cut off...) and they call themselves "The Brigade." I, however, call them the "Barf-gade" and need them off my screen IMMEDIATELY.

Matt "The Brains, Enzo "Meow Meow," Lane "The Beast," & Hayden "Animal"
If my summer ends with a 2 Brigade member final 2, I will never watch BB again. (I say something like this every year, and yet... I am back.) But seriously - I hate anything named Meow Meow. I get it, I do - The BB producers obviously brought in this self proclaimed "Italian celebrity" to ride the coat tails of "Jersey Shore" fame. While I will always be a fan of guidos, I am not a fan of guidos with acne marks and thinning hair. Plus, I am the male Snooki, so if producers were looking to fill that role... Enzo stole my spot - another reason for me to have nothing but hate for this man.

We are down to the final 5. Meow Meow, Lane, Hayden, Ragan & Britney. 2 vs. 3, Team Fabulous vs. The Barfgade, Heaven vs. Hell, Good vs. Evil. However you need to think about it to get it through your head to figure it out is fine with me. But number-wise, we're not looking good. And without giving too much away (To the 2 of you who do not stay up to date with live feed news - sorry for the spoilers!), a Brigade-r is Head of Household this week, so it's looking even worse for my perfect pair.

I'm thinking Ragan is going home this week with a Britney eviction following next week. Every summer, I give this mess of a show my heart. And every summer, it pulls it out of my chest, screws over my favorite houseguests, and breaks it. But yet I come back. When will I see this the worst kind of abusive relationship? I may not be harmed physically, but emotionally, oh emotionally, this show screws me sideways in ten positions. And I let it. It always promises to be different, but never is...

Just gonna stand there and watch me cry,
But that's alright because I love the way you lie,
Love the way you lie...